BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER

Over eight years ago, I participated in a community project with a group of “make it happen” kind of people.  Some of the folks on this team I had known for many years and a few I met at the start of the project.  It was fun while we were able to keep going.  I continue to stay in touch but not as often as I would like. 

God has blessed me to meet exceptional people throughout my life.  I met one such woman during the community project.  She is very beautiful (inside and out).  She is like the rest of us in that she survived a divorce, raised productive children, and learned to take better care of her health and cares for those around her. 

We recently had an email exchange in which she said something to me that has been burning in my spirit ever since.  I’ve shared it with a few folks in general conversations but I just can’t let it go. 

Now, I believe in epiphany statements.  We will probably speak about this in depth at a later time but I will tell you that I have two statements that govern/guide my thoughts by; be about the solution and GOD IS ABLE!  I believe I’ve just found another one to add to my guide book.    

I asked my friend how she was doing and was simply blown away by her words.  She said,

“I can’t complain; I could but my blessings are greater.”

My blessings are greater... My blessings are greater... My blessings are greater… kept running through my mind.  See, I know people are going through things!  They are being challenged with all kinds of things such as the economy.  They are enduring illness and the loss of loved ones. 

I received a CNN breaking news email indicating that our unemployment rate dipped to 8.8% during the month of March.  However, I know some folks that have been looking for a reasonable paying job for years now.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER!  I have a job that I love most of the time and it has allowed me to care for some kiddos without a second job (which was needed when I was raising my children) with potentials on the horizon – if I faint not.

I went to the doctor the other day for a cough (I figured it was bronchitis and it was).  I told the doctor “I’m old and I’m really struggling to keep this body together.”  He looked at me and said “you’re not old – this is common stuff – you will be fine.”  In my mind I was thinking about my knee and those hot flashes I’ve been dealing but said nothing. 

BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER and I’m so ashamed before the Lord because I had asked the receptionist how she’s doing when I called for the appointment.  This woman, the receptionist, has been putting up a gallant fight against cancer.  I’ve kept her in my prayers and when I got to that office; after speaking to her and understanding the magnitude of the fight she’s in – I had the nerve to go in that room and whine about my knee and catching on fire at a moment’s notice! 

Two days after this encounter, I was entering the local grocery store when I ran into a man that this time last year had been given a death sentence by the cancer doctors.  The brother looked very happy, healthy and well.  I said to him that I had heard he had a mighty powerful testimony and he confirmed that God has been very good and merciful to him.  I let him know that I believe he and his wife are lovely people and I would continue to keep them in my thoughts and prayers; as deep in my spirit I shouted, GLORY, GLORY, GLORY!

I complain and whine about how tired I am and how frustrating this round of parenting is for me (I’m sure all the same sad songs I sung when I did this the first time).  Yes, the little peeps have some challenges ahead of them but if you saw them you’d really have no idea how they began in this world.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER …I heard of a family that has a son who was born healthy; was meeting all of his developmental milestones when suddenly he was ill; the 2 year old was eventually diagnosis with a very rare cancer.  He can’t eat by himself, he can’t sit by himself, he’s not talking much anymore and the family is waiting with baited breath to find out if the treatment made any impact on the disease. 

I’m carrying more weight than I would like.  I’ve always done a little exercise to keep my body from getting stiff and feel I’ve done a good job of maintaining.  With my little knee problem, I’m just not able to do what I’ve done in the past and I’ve gained.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER… I don’t have high blood pressure, sugar diabetes or high cholesterol and still manage to have a cute day or two from time to time. 

The other day, someone I know wrote, “Thank you for redeeming my soul.”  I thank you Holy Spirit for bringing this to my attention and giving me this opportunity to grow;  please Lord help me be more like you and a lot less like myself; help me filter my complaints through the lens of my blessings.

I NEED YOU

Tell me what you think.  I’m really very curious and want to know how you perceive “need?”  What brings me to this request?  Okay, this is what had happened….

If you know me, you know I like to tease - a lot!  [I can’t seem to help it and blame it all on my maternal grandfather who has moved over to glory.  He found great joy in giving out riddles and playing jokes on and taunting folks and I seem to have the trait.] 

I recently found myself gifted an opportunity to “taunt” someone but the total result of what began as a tongue-in-cheek adventure showed me dividends beyond my expectations – a true gift and opportunity to tune myself . 

Relax; of course I prefaced all of what I’m about to share with my infamous statement: 

“I live alone, so don’t listen to me – apparently I don’t know how to make all that work.”

The Taunt

I was visiting with a married young lady.  I “dared” her to leave go the arguments (they hadn’t been settled in some years and weren’t likely to be in a couple weeks) during a two week timeframe.  I also challenged her to replace the fussing with these words: “I need you.” 

See, I read a lot and I’ve read articles that suggest that women of our time are so busy professionally, large & in charge but those skills aren’t helpful in the home.  It’s home and not the board room – so to speak.  I just wondered if those “simple” words could make the impact that all the arguing in the world couldn’t achieve. 

Then my fun and games began….I would text her or email her or mouth to her as she went by the “simple” words.  I must have messed with her so - that she apparently shared the dare with another married lady; which I only found out when the second lady turned the tables on me and began saying the “simple” three words to me when we would see one another. 

I finally had the opportunity to visit with the new player in the taunt shortly after Valentine’s Day.  She explained that she’d said the “simple” phrase to her spouse of many years and was very pleased by the outcome (she got flowers and a love email).  She further shared that when she said that to her husband – he was speechless (apparently never a problem for him under any circumstance) and they hadn’t exchanged love notes since they were 19 years old. 

Then she and I kicked around the question of what he may have felt when he heard the words and she agreed to ask him.  He told her that he felt like he was a part of the marriage versus a visitor (well, you know some women of color – we know how to let a brother know we can get the job done with or without him); he felt valued for more than the honey-would-you-do-list.  This gave me more reason to pause and ponder the issue of “needing” someone else.      

So, I continued to gather information regarding this “simple” phrase because suddenly my ability to need someone seemed to be a vital key to long-term commitment and LUV.  Historically, I’ve avoided “needing” someone because – well let’s just say I’ve been unlucky in LUV. 

Okay, so WHAT THE HECK does “need” mean?  Immediately, I associated “need” with not being able to function without this other person; that person being the boss over me; ummmm – what’s that word in the bible – SUBMISSIVE and stuff like that.  You know – pitiful. 

I’m just not the type to go homeless or hungry because “he” didn’t come through (I have seen this happen with my own eyes).  When I left home, I was a mother and understood my kiddo liked to eat on time – despite whatever else I might have going on.  So, I had to have some things on the ball – period.   

Now, I have no idea why I associated “need” to that because in the relationships I’ve seen working well (from my definition of well) this absolutely hasn’t been the case!  In fact, there is a lot of playfulness between the couples and a willingness to consult the other before making decisions that could impact the family system.      

Ok, so accepting my view to be skewed (smile) I started asking my friends what their take on it was.  I and my friends that find themselves in the same marital status seem to really struggle with putting the definition into words.  I was downright stalking this “problem” when I heard someone say they were reaching out to me because they felt I needed them.  I realized it didn’t bother me to be perceived as needing them or to even consider my needing them. 

Of course, being me, I just couldn’t leave it at that.  I had to know if I was needed.  The response was affirmative but as I hadn’t truly settled on my own definition of this “need” thing - I was a little let down by the way in which I’m “needed.”   

I even asked my mom if she needed my Dust and she said yes (with a long list of honey-would-you-dos).  But, she suddenly stopped talking and simply said “yes, I need him.”  She too ended up writing a letter of love (yes, I apologized to my Dust cause now he has to give a response to maintain peace in the valley - smile). 

Looking back over how this pursuit began, I confessed to myself that I really do have more nerve than Dick Tracey (ole cartoon for those of you who don’t know).  I don’t remember ever saying to a beloved, “I need you.”  I’m sure I said, I like you, I love you, I’d like to work this out and I’m sorry but I’ve never said I “need” you.  I’ve certainly never said it and waited on them to come through either.    

I’ve decided to define “need,” for myself to mean; this person is requisite, indispensable, essential & necessary for my well being and somehow makes me want to be/makes me better. 

What I learned in this process

1.      I want to “need” someone

2.      It is really important to me to know that I too have the capacity to be this for my soul mate

AND

I should leave folks alone!  My fun and games usually lead to me finding some work to do on myself!  At this rate, I’m a fool around and make some serious internal changes and find myself in that committed LUV situation! 

THE COOK'S KITCHEN

There is this on-going joke between me and my mother affectionately known as “the cook’s kitchen.”  I really am captivated by kitchen gadgets.  I can spend long periods of time in that isle in every store I go to.  I also love to daydream over these items in the various magazines I receive.  I keep a little list of “things” that I might like for my Christmas/Year Round list so my family knows what I want and can purchase said items for the various holidays we observe. 

Sometimes my mother adds to the gadgets.  Sometimes she challenges the cook of “The Cook’s Kitchen.”  See, the joke is – I’m really nobody’s cook.  I JUST LIKE THE GADGETS (I like tools too and I don’t fix much either – smile)! 

So, the other night I was talking with my friend.  She asked what I was doing and I told her I was studying a recipe (yep the latest challenge for “The Cook’s Kitchen”).  She liked the idea and wished she had such a challenge.  I promised her I would email the damn thing to her once I CONQURRED the challenge. 

In my stress, I went on to explain to her the EVIL little challenges received periodically from my mother either designed to force me to demonstrate some twisted sort of love for her (who asks a non cook to cook) or because ….. HEY, this is my blog so let’s stick with my version of this story – just plain everyday TORTURE!  I went on and on to my poor friend about my predicament – “I could just say no, I could act like I misplaced the book, I could ….. do what I usually do when these situations arise (except for sewing – she can’t get me that way anymore) just do it cause if I saw something in a book and wanted her to make it she would make it for me (you see the double bind of interpersonal relationships).” 

We also had to discuss the lemon zest as I traveled down memory lane (dragging her with me) about the first time I encountered lemon zest in a recipe and how I hadn’t been smart enough to consider grating the lemon prior to cutting to get the juice; and the knuckle busting adventure that had turned into!  I went on and on about the conversation with my Great-Aunt (cause I told her we could go into business making lemon zest as I had no idea lemon zest was – SOLD IN THE STORES) and how she was kind enough to just listen to my kitchen woes. 

Okay, I already had been to the store and had all necessary ingredients in house for the challenge.  All I needed was a little more study time and some peace and quiet to pull off the perfect product. 

The little peeps (NO WAY could I add their assistance to my stressful challenge) took a rest break and I was already on top of the laundry – surely this was the moment.  I started by putting all the necessary items in separate containers (I was going to be sure that I didn’t miss any this time).  I had to sacrifice 6 eggs to get what I needed from 4 of them (even used The Cook’s Kitchen unique and technical procedure for separating the white matter out of the egg – via a fork). 

 I began as the directions indicated but lo and behold I paused my whisking to make sure I had a few other things set up and ready to go.  When I looked back in my pot – my time for all that whisking was over and the mixture LOOKED the right consistency.  I mixed and stirred with my middle niece coming in to offer me some moral support as I mumbled, growled, cheered, sweated, swore but eventually completed the challenge and moved to place the finished product in the oven for 15 minutes.

Just as I had moved on to cook our evening meal, a sister/friend stopped over to the house.  She rounded the corner into the kitchen and spied the finished challenge product.  “You know how to make lemon meringue pie?”  Now, I’m sure the look on my face was most curious because I really didn’t know how to answer for I had in fact made a “lemon meringue pie” but WHO COULD VOUCH FOR TASTE? 

   

So, I presented my mother with the pie.  At first she seemed surprised and pleased, but then she began to look skeptical (yeah, she knew a tasting would be necessary).  She wanted to know if it was real meringue on top cause she told me she didn’t want real meringue – “oh no that wasn’t you I told.” 

I just let that all wash over me and cut her a small piece.  She appeared to have eaten the whole piece but declined to take the rest of her pie with her to work the following day. 

If you don’t use eggs WHAT THE HECK do you use for meringue?  “She’s killing me softly,” I screamed in my mind.

I didn’t pass the challenge after all!  Not to worry!  I’ve learned from the years of being put through this particular wringer; I always get enough supplies to do these little projects twice.  And, I called in my backup weapon; my other Great-Auntie who is known for making fabulous lemon meringue pies (I know her secret ingredient from observation). 

We kicked my dilemma around and guess what – everything changes.  I described the ingredient we’d discussed previously and she told me to get a box kit.  Different states offer different things – so I got cans of lemon pie filling. 

Now all I had left was to figure out an eggless meringue.  I kicked around whipped marsh mellows because I figured it would “brown.”  But I and all consulted agreed that probably wouldn’t stand up.   The only other thing I could think of was Cool Whip – she likes Cool Whip. 

But first I checked the WWW to see if I could find an eggless meringue.  NOPE!  Then I got a little frustrated and text her and her reply was….. Cool Whip. 

I put the pie filling in the pre-baked (not homemade) pie crust and heated in the oven.  When that cooled I put the whip on top and served it to her.  She liked the way the pie looked and she liked the way the pie tasted.  She even liked the pie pan (“oh so the cook’s kitchen has real pie pans?”).  Ughhhhhhhhhhh………

Ahhhhh…. I WAS SUCESSFUL WITH THE PIE CHALLENGE - AT LAST!!!!!!

Pie #1



Pie #2



YONDER

Someone I know and admire moved over to glory.  I have been sad this week (come on now - even Jesus wept).  I just find it hard to comprehend that I won’t be seeing her around town anymore.  I won’t get to give her a little hug and hear her infectious laugh.

I find it hard to digest that her beautiful smile and vivacious personality is not readily accessible.  My heart goes out to her grandson, children, family & friends.  If I, on the sidelines, feel this depth of loss – I’m not able to come close to grasping the void they surely feel. 

I don’t know about you but from time to time, I’ve met people that leave me with no doubt that the world is safer; a better place because they exist.  She was this kind of person.

I had the pleasure of knowing her as we grew from children into women and mothers.  We also learned of a family connection but I’d always felt a kind kinship with her.  I was so pleased to share a Grandmother with her who showed us the same love and acceptance. 

My child is one of her children’s friends.  I do have some joy in knowing that I told her several months ago what a good job she’d done with her children and the fact that I could clearly see the lovely young woman her baby has grown to be. 

I prayed to God on her behalf that His Will be done with the understanding we were expecting a miracle – whatever the form – according to his Will.  God was already working.

I had the opportunity to visit her three times while we waited.  I wanted very badly to read her a certain story from the collection of folklore in Virginia Hamilton’s book called The People Could Fly.  But, I kept managing to get to my visits without the book. 

See, I knew she would really appreciate the story titled the same as the book.  It is a beautiful tale about slaves “remembering the magic words” to give them back the ability to fly.  On the day of my last opportunity to visit this side of heaven, I actually got the book in the car but I didn’t make it to the hospital.  She moved to Glory in the early hours of the following morning.

 A week before her transition, I awoke to a text message from my cousin telling me to check my facebook page.  She’d stepped out her front door and was greeted by the two following pictures.  She was moved to dedicate these to me, my friend and anyone else facing a challenge.  God was working (such sweet gifts encourage me to keep going).

Trust Jesus

God Loves U

Miracles

I heard tell that a nurse commented that she’d never seen anything like what happened around this sister.  The nurse put the number of visitors in the thousands (I don’t know if her count was accurate I just know the girl knew a great many folks) and that just observing all that was going on – that this woman who never woke up and uttered a word had so many people coming to see about her – caused her to begin to re-evaluate her personal relationship with the Almighty. 

I saw a great many folks from ALL walks of life at the visitation.  I also saw her children managing well.  I’ve heard from more than one person how healthy and golden she looked; “almost glowing.”

I guess she didn’t need my little story (smile) – her story was a much better one; one of kindness, caring, acceptance, encouragement, concern, peace, laughter, joy, kinship, family, forgiveness & love; A reflection of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost?  You tell me.  All I know is God is working.      

In the mean time, I’m going to think on what meaning I want my life’s story to tell and try to get busy living it – while there is still time.  I encourage you to do the same.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thz1zDAytzU – Swing Low

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOVvbGTxrM4 – I’m going to fly away

 

TIES THAT BIND

A little while ago, one of my sister/friends was over to the house.  We ended up in the kitchen where my 21 year old son joined us.  At first, I wasn’t paying close attention to the topic of discussion between the two of them until I heard him questioning her about how long she and I had been friends and what made us friends despite a small age difference. 

I listened in on their conversation at this point and thought that despite all the talking I do – I hadn’t done a very good job expressing why this sister/friend is so special to me.   

I have a small group of sister/friendships that began when we were 11 years old (yep, I did the math too – 34 years).  These women form some of the tribe that helped me raise my children and we’ve been “together” through every major event in one another’s life. 

I have another sister/friend that I met when my son was 18 months old (yep, I did the math too – 19 ½ years).  Others that make up my inner circle, I’ve known for more than 15 years.  I’ve “known” the sister/friend that answered my son’s questions for the better part of 34 years but we only began a personal friendship in the last 10 or so years despite her being on my radar for more than 20 years.  I’ve added new friends in the last 8 years and look forward to being able to make more as time continues.      

RADAR

I love to people watch.  I use to drive my mother crazy telling her stories about folks that were sitting at the table next to us or just walking by.  Once I won her over to my story telling side, sometimes we would enjoy a half an hour or so sitting on the mall, eating funnel cakes (White Lakes Mall if you still remember that one) and watching people. 

Let me tell you a kind of secret about me – ready? - I’m an introvert (I know you don’t believe me but it is true; you can check yourself out at http://www.blogthings.com/areyouanextrovertorintrovertquiz/). 

I often hear that I’m a little difficult to read but I honestly think I’ve gone all out to be open and transparent (now you know another reason I live alone).  My mother tells me I’m secretive and my daughter tells me I’m emotionally cold (she is a drama queen and I don’t have and will not be allowing her make me develop high blood pressure).  My son and his friends often discuss which mother was the most “feared” as they were growing up and I usually (okay ALWAYS) win the award for not taking any mess off them. 

Thus, I watch people.  In my observations, I notice the gifts, talents, and skills in others that I just don’t have and doubt very seriously that I have the capacity to grow.  Let me give you a few examples: 

1.      I have a friend that served in the military, raised her children, and has dedicated many years to working with youth and their families for the federal government.  She likes to help folks.  She has a wonderful sense of humor.  She has been struggling for the last couple of years with some serious depression.  She is one of the most courageous folks I know because despite the days she feels no hope she keeps pushing.  She has kept her promise to us (her family and friends) and has not harmed herself even though there have been days when she didn’t trust herself so much.  She told me a couple of weeks ago she’s had moments of hope and feeling like life is worth living and my soul screamed “GLORY, GLORY, GLORY.” 

2.      I have another friend that packed up and moved clean across the country with her child.  She’s real smart and funny but she’s not easy to get to know so lots of folks have no idea what they’re missing by not getting to know her.  She too is very courageous.  I wouldn’t have the nerve to leave home with children because I would be leaving my supports; plus she and I giggle together a lot.  

3.      Another has been married for many years.  She shares her hopes and dreams and always encourages me and my children to include coming to town to be present when she can.  One of the other things she does is shares the sweetest stories about her spouse.  These cute little clips help me to keep hope alive for love; plus we giggle together a lot and attempt to tease each other over edge. 

4.      My sister/friend lost her life’s mate close to 3 ½ years ago.  His death was unexpected and really sent her into a tail spin that a number of other folks wouldn’t have had the fortitude to come back from.  I know she still has rough moments (truth be told I too find myself crying over her/our loss).  However, she has managed to keep holding on, encouraging their children/helping them meet their personal goals; and she’s about to finish up her Master’s degree.  Even on the roughest of days, her conversation is positive and we giggle a lot together.   

Now, this is just a small number of my friends.  I haven’t discussed the one I call “The Healer” because of her ability to mediate large amounts of others’ pain while they gain their footing;  or my mother (number one best giggling partner) who has spent the better part of her life raising children and is a very deep person as those that take the time to get to know her soon find out; or my daughter (2^nd best giggling partner) who has made a nice life with her own little family before/during and after pursuing her educational goals; or my friend that told me long before I had to find out for myself that male black children require a different touch from girls and showed me that love doesn’t die even if ones beloved does; nor the friend that has her own business and keeps the kiddos for me while I work and  gives me such peace that they are being well cared for and are safe to the point I can go to work and work without worrying about whether or not all the bases are for them are covered. 

Now, I could go on and on but this is the deal; ALL of them (mentioned or not) have managed and maneuvered through profound kinds of losses; regained their stability,  and continue to move forward without bitterness.    

SOME KIND OF WOMAN

What kind of woman can love a man;

Marry a man;

Give birth with that man;

Let that man go when he makes choices contrary to the best interest of his family?

Discover that man intended deeper levels of betrayal…

And continue to allow him his “place” as father in the lives of those babies born with him?

No, really now, what kind of a woman can hold her head up high as she brings to the “inside” the “outside” child – she hadn’t known until the bottom fell out – so that her children would know their sibling?

What kind of woman then creates such a safe place for the orphaned child of the other woman – offer “family” to the point that the youth stays connected enough to one day walk his older sibling down the aisle to be lawfully wedded and then is  welcomed and encouraged to show off his children to the “family?”

What kind of woman, raises her children (more often than not while working two jobs, keeping them busy in school activities, making time to get to those activities to support and encourage her children) into fine young women who are hard working, gaining their college educations, rearing their own children and keeping their families together & offers support and guidance for the rearing of her first and now second grandchild? 

 

What kind of woman reaches out to, cares about & goes to see about extended elderly relatives?  And then wonders at the end of the day if she should have done more to offer friends and their extended family additional support? 

I don’t have these deep capacities, but the friend my son visited with that evening is truly this kind of woman!  She constantly takes my breath away with her ability to keep on moving and helping.  She truly sees these acts as the right thing to do and not as a burden.   

I realize I’ve formed the sisterhood/friendships that I have because those women add value to my life.  I don’t have what they have but I sure would like to be as deep as they are; I want to be a better person when I think of them.  Plus, as we know I don’t have what they have, I get excellent council and the opportunity to tap into their talents when I need them most. 

As I begin to accept my time is winding down – I’m going to go all out to let these women know how much less bright my life would be without them.  I encourage you to do the same with those most important in your life.

EDITED BY JILL-O-ME

THE DAY OF "LUV"

I recently received the following link from my “LUV teacher;”   http://blog.beliefnet.com/inspirationreport/2011/02/a-new-way-to-celebrate-valentines-day.html.  While I found this to be interesting reading, I didn’t see any personal message for myself as I make a conscious effort to take good care of and show great love for myself.  Also, let’s face it – Valentine’s Day is meant for love between intimate partners.  There is a big difference between being wished a happy valentine's day vs. being asked to be someone's valentine.   

I recently read somewhere that Hallmark Cards has 6000+ cards in their valentine collection (okay – it came from my Real Simple Feb 2011 magazine – I love this magazine).  I love the thought of love!  One of my most favorite past times is to collect the “LUV Stories” of couples.

Did you know that Valentine’s Day is the second biggest mail day of the year (second only to Christmas)?  In 2010, it was estimated that people would spend $103 each on Valentine Day and in 2009 there was $14.7million spent on observing/celebrating “LUV.”   

I have always celebrated this cute little day with my children and in recent years have extended this to my friends (okay sister/friends – I’m not gonna make it this year – the day sneaked up on me).  I’ve encouraged my son to always give his sister a flower on this day and plotted historic hot dates with my “LUV” if I was in relationship on the “LUV” day (and truth be told not always only on that day if I was feeling “LUV” for a brotha).  

However, I’ve often remarked, for a number of years, that it is during the “LUV” holiday I’ve come to question whether or not I’ve ever been “in love.”  I go to the stores and I spend a lot of time reading the cards produced for one to give to their “beloved.”  When I read those cards I hear Pepe’ Le Pew “LUV”

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB68DFjfw2E ). 

I have it on good authority that I don’t have the patience nor his stick-to-it-ness pursuit ability of Mr. Le Pew.  (Now, for the record, I’ve been stalked a time or two and it’s not a laughing matter – something to be discussed at another time – and Pepe’ strikes me as the stalker type.)   

I’ve never felt bitterness about this day whether I had a “beloved” or not (until last night that is when I was forced to help the little peeps with many little valentines for their celebrations today).  In fact, I feel/felt pleased and excited for those with a “beloved” whether I had a “beloved” or not.  Perhaps I’ve questioned whether or not I’ve ever been “in love” because the type of love I see in the cards and demonstrated by our society in the name of romantic love (expect for the De Beers commercial when he shouts “I LOVE THIS WOMAN” into a crowd of mostly strangers – COM’ON NOW – that is a great commercial!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEal7psOpP0&NR=1 ) doesn’t resemble the soul-mate love I long for. 

Now, while I’ve been waiting to connect to my soul-mate, I have attempted to make good use of my time by doing some self work.  I mean I don’t want to have mountains and mountains of baggage that could interfere with our togetherness – once we connect & lock – right?  I wanted to step up my personal game so I would be an appropriate mate for my “beloved” versus being a burden (financially, emotionally, mentally, etc…). 

I also began to truly consider what I need/want in a relationship.  Unfortunately at this time in my life, I’ve found more of what I can’t live with versus what I can live with – smile.  I also took the following quiz and much to my relief found that although I haven’t found my lasting ““LUV”” connection – I’ve always felt love the same way (if you do something to make my day go easier – it must be love – right?): 
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.selectsmart.com%2FFREE%2Fselect.php%3Fclient%3D5lovelanguages&h=68464khqIt-jYQM5HO7KuteZR5g.  I too think sometimes we love others the way we feel loved and we miss their boat all together.  So you may consider offering the above link to your prospective “beloved” too. 

I’ve attempted to work on my communication.  (If my son has taught me nothing else – he’s taught me just how different male and female communication styles can be!)  Okay, on a more serious note, contrary to popular belief, I’m actually an introvert vs extrovert.  This coupled with the fact that I do a lot of thinking in my own head means that I’m often not on the same page with others.  I get on others nerves because in my effort to make sure I really know what is being discussed – I ask lots of questions – smile. 

So for those of you with a “beloved” and hot plans for tonight – I’m wishing you a very happy loved filled day and evening with your life’s partner; and for those of you, such as myself, who haven’t  connected with your life’s partner yet - I’m wishing you inner peace and success in the future. 

HAPPY ST. VALENTINES DAY!

     

    

JUST LIVE LONG ENOUGH - YOU WILL SEE!

I recently had a brief email exchange about some of the things “old” folks would say to the youth.  This lead me to make some phone calls to family and friends to see what sayings they remembered hearing while growing up.  Below are a few of what we remembered (please feel free to hit the comment button and share some of the ones you remember).    

                                                            

Golden Words of Wisdom

·         Oh, you don’t believe fat meat is greasy

·         All that glitters ain’t gold

·         Birds nest on the ground

·         Don’t count your chickens before your eggs hatch

·         Don’t take any wooden nickels

·         One in the hand is worth two in the bush

·         Hard head makes a soft behind

·         Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile

·         The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

·         Don’t get too big for your britches

·         It’s better to be alive than to wake up dead looking up at the roots of daisies

The one I want to spend a little time on today is:

JUST LIVE LONG ENOUGH – YOU WILL SEE

I remember hearing this when a “young” person was teasing an older person about gray hair or arthritis.  Twenty years ago (okay, I recalculated and it was 25 years ago), I wore heels and make up nearly every day; I gave birth one day and the next was back in my non-maternity clothes; I could go & go & go off of 5 hours of sleep; worked a full-time job and went to school full-time; partied hardy (if all my school work was done); got married; gave birth again; and got divorced; went back to school; moved out of the city; moved back home; planted gardens; cut the grass; painted walls; lugged and moved furniture and boxes – I mean I was a regular government mule.   I didn’t worry if I was sore some days because by the next I always felt better. 

           

Then I turned 30 years old.  I remember the day clearly, I leaned against the back bumper of my car trying to get a good grip on a heavy box so I could take it in the house and then it happened:  my left knee cap shifted up causing me great pain and then quickly shifted back to its normal position, causing me more great pain.  My eyes watered from the burn.  I left the box and all in the car and hobbled on in the house.  But, I didn’t worry about it because I healed over night – right?  WRONG!  I called my mother to find out what the real matter could be and she said, “You’re 30 years old now.” 

I WAS COMPLETELY BROKEN

As my 30’s sped by (smile), I noted some changes in my system and later found out I have a thyroid condition.  IT WAS ONE HECK OF A RIDE trying to get my levels worked out and to understand what this meant to my life (weight gain, mood swings, hair changes, skin changes, dry eyes and a whole host of other “symptoms”).  It’s been eleven years and I’m still salty about this because the biggest change is no metabolism and being a kind of tired I didn’t know was possible to be and still be alive!  But I’ve learned lots over the years and better understand when adjustments need to be made and that is going okay (for now – okay today).  I also somehow twisted my left hip during this decade and suffered greatly for a while but eventually got that worked out and only have funny little flare ups when I “jar” my bones. 

Although in my late 30’s wasn’t the first time I had to buy liniment, I was even exchanging pros and cons of the better products on the market with some older lady friends.  I want you to know I didn’t even know those ladies had aches and pains until they said it.  Simply regal, beautiful women who not only carried themselves well but also carried their pain well!  I cornered my mother.  I felt I needed more information about how to age if I was going to be able to hold this old body together for the long haul.  

I wanted to know why she wasn’t hurting.  She looked at me like I had lost my mind.  I mean, my three parents are like real cool (although My Dust tells me he’s an old man)!  My mom strolls.  When we are out together people want to know if we’re sisters.  Then she explained to me that she did have aches and pains and what I was calling her cool stroll was actually her “taking real easy” walk.        

I made it into my 40 looking and feeling pretty good (this is my blog so I’m telling the story my way so if you don’t agree with statement – KEEP IT TO YOURSELF)!  I mean I was like really cooking with Crisco the first couple of years (okay maybe it was months – let me have my fantasies please)!

I will admit that the eye doctor told me that we would need to “discuss” bifocal glasses on my next visit.  He wanted me to have enough time to warm up to it.  I guess he figured out I’d spend a significant amount of time looking for a “logical” reason that nothing works right anymore!  Smile.  When I returned the following year, I’d had a bout of vanity and wanted contacts.  Bless that man; he broke it to me as gently as possible.  “You would still need prescription glasses with the contacts.”   I also had to add the foot man to my list of specialist.  He introduced me to shoe implements and I don’t leave home without them (he also had the BEST bedside manner – he brings the xray machine to you so you don’t have to walk on your hurting feet!)       

I became an Auntie x2 and a grandmother by the age of 41!  I was still doing pretty well, enjoying the little folks in my life, exercising, making peace with thyroid, lost a little weight even!  And then…. my nieces moved in with us and we became their primary care givers. 

I realized at the end of the first weekend I wasn’t holding up as well as I had thought.  By the end of the first month I had gone on to the doctor for medicine for EVERY joint in my body.   Seemed old “arthr” had come to visit and decided to put in for squatter rights.

I could tell you the story about the time I was teasing and taunting one of my married sister/friends about pole dancing for her man and how she retaliated by sending me an instructional dvd about a floor dance (look - I didn’t even know it was possible to teach that mess to someone).  So, being who I am (nosey), I watched it and lo and behold one of the moves was a move I’d seen in exercise videos and for some INSANE reason I figured I could do that exercise so I tried it (lean back on elbows and bend one leg to your chest while extending the other leg straight out and then switch alternating legs between bending and extending several times) and “wretched” my left shoulder - but that would bore you.  However, I will tell you that after a round of pain killers and a nerve induction test there isn’t any permanent damage.    

I did “learn” that if I don’t want to be stiff I really need to exercise.  I had been doing a good job of sticking with my little 20-30 minute walking in place dvd.  I hadn’t lost a pound and year 44 had been unnecessarily mean to me but I wasn’t stiff. 

Now, I have some magnificent friends of all ages.  One of my friends is in her early 30’s.  She and her other friends decided to really get into aggressive exercising to tone up.  She’s looking cute.  I knew I wouldn’t be doing anything aggressive but for some reason (VANITY again) I let her talk me into trying her Hip Hop ABS dvd.  I watched it first (no – I’m no dummy, I didn’t try one move – I just WATCHED). 

It really looked like something I could handle.  He had some jumps in his routine but I didn’t even act like I was going to try those (you know they always have someone on the dvd’s that will show you the low impact way).  I survived 11 minutes with the Hip Hop ABS man the first time I tried it and I could really feel it (okay - I was a little  concerned how I would explain to the ER the cramp in my hind parts  - should I need to go for assistance).  I worked with it again another couple of times but something happened the last time I used it. 

I admit my dancing steps are a little rusty (okay, I’ve never had the kind of rhythm and moves that these young folks have – if you want to call that stuff they do dancing).  I took one step; my foot and leg stopped but I guess not the rest of my body.  So, a few days before Thanksgiving my right knee was a little sore – I took it easy but by the Sunday after Thanksgiving I was at the weekend clinic for an x-ray. 

After a lot of moaning and whining during my waking and sleeping hours, Tylenol, exchanging a leg brace two times and then determining I needed a more heavy duty one to meet my needs; purchasing a cane; a day and a half off work; two x-rays; an MRI, a cortisone shot, pain medication & an awful reaction to it and - I’m still working on this knee and it is really giving me a run for my money.  Right now, the knee is in total control but the doctor and his nurse have kindly listened to my crybaby pleading and I trust we will develop a plan so I win against this knee. 

The conclusion I’ve reached is that those old folks are right and I’m not nearly as cool as my parents!  Now if you don’t know what jar-ing, liniment, taking real easy, arthr, and wretched mean –

JUST LIVE LONG ENOUGH – YOU WILL SEE!

Edited by Jill-O-Me