WISDOM

Of late, I’ve found myself contemplating (what I would call) some heavy life subjects.   I’m clear about what I feel grateful for having in my life; at the same time, I find myself thinking/feeling/believing there has to be more.  I don’t hold this “impression” because I believe I’m so special or entitled to more than what God has gifted or entrusted to me (although I recognize to some I am special as some are very special to me) but rather I mark it up to my present life not being what I thought my life would be like 25, 20, 15, 10 or even 5 years ago. 

 

 

 What has touched all this off for me?  Well, earlier this year, I learned of a previous co-worker’s (whom I held in a place of affection in my mind’s memory) personal and professional lives melting down.  I was shocked, alarmed and deeply impacted by this information. 

 I found myself questioning if I had somehow failed this person as we had not maintained contact.  I shifted from that to wondering if the folks in my inner circle would pull me to the side if they noted that I was unraveling at my very core (no worries there – they have my back which includes telling me I’ve jumped the track and need to get back on).  And from there, I became angry on behalf of and with my previous co-worker.

The anger was a lot harder for me to understand and to explain.  In my efforts to place this anger in an appropriate place – I drove my inner circle of friends CRAZY.  But, I eventually narrowed my thoughts down to one simple question that my Mentor/Teacher/Friend – (her gift is healing and I affectionately call her “The Healer,” ) so patiently worked me through.

My simple question was (because I needed to know and be able to believe) can someone really “heal” from such a life’s melt down?

See, I’m the type of person that has to be able to find the solution to difficult circumstances; I need to find that second or third way to skin the same cat; I have to be able to locate the hope in every situation and highlight the strengths or be able to identify just one good thing about a situation; which I was struggling to do. 

For some years now, I’ve used “time is elusive” as my battle cry (if you will) to keep what is most important to me front and center of my consciousness and regular efforts.  I just don’t want to find at the end of my days that I’ve failed to encourage others along the way, to listen patiently when others needed a listening ear, or to respond to the urging of the Holy Spirit to reach out and assist others. 

I don’t want to have failed to say thank you, I miss you, I love you or even I need you.  I don’t want to have failed to cultivate friendships in which I feel comfortable in saying I’m disappointed in myself, I’m sad, I’m lonely or to cry (although I prefer to cry alone in the night after I’ve gone to bed because those tears are rough on this ole face and sinuses). 

And I’m truly blessed to have folks in my life that allow me to do for them and that also do for me.  As I’ve previously mentioned, I have some fabulous friends. 

I know a group of women of varying professional backgrounds (common denominator is all are in the field of service) who graciously include me in the group.  We may share a meal; do a little people watching while we’re out; catch up on the latest happenings in one another’s life; shed a tear or two; get/give advice, share a story or poem, or pray.   

What I get most often from this circle of women is lessons to apply to my life.  Despite being as old as I am, sometimes I get the feeling that I’m fairly naïve (even bordering on dumb).  But, they all put up with me. 

I ask God for a special blessing for my Mentor/Teacher/Friend.  She is so patient with me and stuck with me (despite my “dumb” moments) while I pushed to settle the anger, concern and despair over my “friend.” 

It seems that I’m at the proverbial fork in the road.   I’m in the middle of some transitions in my career and in my personal life I’m surrounded by a host of little people whose needs set my pace. 

Despite my efforts, my body feels like it’s falling apart a section at a time and it now takes me all day to do absolutely NOTHING.  I’m watching and listening to my parents and others in my life while Bonnie Raitt’s Nick of Time, blasts in the back of my mind (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy8gHfGIS_A – hey, my sister/friend is right – there is a song for every circumstance)!

THINGS ARE CHANGING AND I DON’T SEEM TO HAVE MUCH INPUT OR CONTROL OVER HOW SOME THINGS ARE CHANGING!

These life transitions (whether considered good, planned, unplanned or bad) can be very stressful (http://honolulu.hawaii.edu/intranet/committees/FacDevCom/guidebk/teachtip/stress.htm)!  You know, it is incredibly humbling and very scary to face one’s fears.  What’s my fear?  I’m on the back end of time now and I still haven’t figured out what I really want to do with my life and I don’t know if I will get it figured out.  Smile.    

There is a part of me that wants to pick up the pace and cram some more stuff into this life of mine.  But I just don’t have the energy.  And then there is the adjusting to the fact that things change, managing my regrets and grief over what could have been and just isn’t and the fact that there must be some way to adjust more gracefully. 

The answer to my question is this:  people can & do heal but they adjust their life’s activities to match what they can comfortable handle.

Now, this may have been obvious to you – but as I mentioned I have some slow moments.  In fact, it took me a few days to recognize some real wisdom had been kicked out my way.  I continued to consider this simple truth.

As the weeks passed, I began hearing the echoes of sound council I’d received from senior beautiful women in my youth – although at the time, I couldn’t make a bit of sense out of what my Grandmother and Ms. Florida Pettis was saying (which should have been clue #1 that they both were giving me the same message in the same timeframe– “don’t burn your candle at both ends”).   

I’m reminded of Ecclesiastes third chapter (I especially like the Message version; http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ecc%203&version=MSG) .  Perhaps the things I’d like to stuff my time with really aren’t for me to do; perhaps that season has passed and I should just stick with the wisdom that was kicked my way and find peace. 

THERE IS NO SHAME IN STAYING WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF MY CAPACITIES – IT’S SIMPLY WISE!

"Daddy"

In June of 2008, I wrote an article for the newspaper in the community where I work.  The original title was “Daddy” however, it was published under a different title but I thought I would share it with you today. 

Some things have changed since the time of that writing, such as my Grandfather moved over to glory, I have a new grandson, the children are all older (smile) and I’ve gotten to know more about the father my son of choice is; watched my son of birth blossom into teacher/protector of his little cousins and his nieces and nephew. 

So, in loving, chuckling memory of my grandfather; I dedicate this to my father, my dust, my son of choice, my son of birth, my son in-law and to those of you who stand in the gap to usher the next generation safely cross life’s challenges.

DADDY

6/20/08

I recently had the very rare fortune to be in the company of the three most significant men in my life; my grandfather, my father and my stepfather. It had been a very big weekend of family events as my son graduated from high school and we were attending the third birthday party of my grandbaby.

Although my grandfather now suffers with Alzheimer’s disease, I tell you the truth, he’s still a character larger than life. He so loved watching boxing, fishing, brain teasers and singing in the church choir. My grandfather doesn’t have much formal education but he has a unique way of navigating life and never hesitates to share his knowledge. I’ve actually never met anyone who knows more about relationships between men and women. As his disease has progressed, I’ve noticed my mom calls him “Dad” more now than “Daddy;” she misses her daddy.

My father is tall, slim, suave and debonair – he’s a cool ol’dude. He is also a very intelligent, thoughtful, generous and quick-witted man. He served in the Air Force to include a stint in a combat zone. Although we’ve spent many years living geographically far apart, I’ve always appreciated my father’s determination and dedication to building an emotionally close relationship with me. He’s a great listener. He helps me sort out complicated situations and shares his personal life struggles with me. When I’m having a bad day or feel heartbroken he always helps me see how silly the other people involved are. Yep, when he gets done telling the story – I’m always the little princess. It sure makes me feel better.

My stepfather, also affectionately known as “my Dust,” is one of the smartest men I know. This man can do or fix anything. He can grow plants, work difficult math problems, make engines run, and fix plumbing and electrical connections. Not only is my stepfather smart, he also genuinely cares about people. He demonstrates this by his actions especially the way he willingly takes care of and looks out for my grandfather. My Dust knows a lot about a lot of different things, and he’s my friend. If he hears I might need something, he’s on the way. When I call him, he comes. He isn’t perfect but nobody better say a word against my stepdaddy to me. 

I watch my grandbaby with her father. She is a true daddy’s girl. If she feels slighted by anyone young or old, she turns into a real diva the minute her daddy shows up, at which time she puts on quite the show. Her father then interrogates us with the now infamous question, “What did you do to my baby?” You ought to see the smirk on the girl’s face when she hears those words. She just knows her daddy will always take good care of her.

Nothing lights up the faces of my nieces more than when they hear their father’s voice on the phone or when they’re effortlessly lifted into his arms. My nephew also has a special bond with his father and eagerly reaches out for his daddy’s embrace.

As I watch Families all around the post, I take the greatest joy in observing the fathers. I like to see the proud papas bringing the little ones to WIC and fussing over them at the PX. When I visit Families in their homes, it brings me joy to see a daddy working with his baby.

As I’m watching, sometimes I wonder about the changes to come and what these now close relationships will be like when the children become pre-teens, teens and young adults. But, there is just something special about daddies. Sure, boys develop deep bonds with their fathers; however, there is nothing in the world like fathers and daughters.

I think that daddies just make the world feel safer. One of my dearest sister-friends recently lost her father after a long illness.  There are days she misses him so much that she hurts. I can always gage how deep her sadness is on any given day simply by her use of “daddy” versus “dad.” I know it’s a rough day for her when she says in a still small (almost child -like) voice “I just miss my daddy.”

What type of relationship do you want to have with your children as they grow into adults?  Do you want to be the rules and regulation guy only or do you want something deeper that can grow into a two-way relationship as your children mature into adulthood?

What type of father are you? What skills and abilities do you currently have? Are there other skills and abilities you need to cultivate within you to provide for/nurture and guide your children?  I pray that whatever you need is provided when you need it – that you may be all that your children and any other children you’re blessed to influence need - when they need it.   

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

WE AIN’T STU·PID!

I will be honest and let you know that this has been a very difficult blog for me to write.  The reason being each time I consider the details – I get this burning rage of righteous indignation. 

I don’t need to tell you that things are going roughly at this time in our country.  I don’t need to tell you the price of everything is going higher and higher.  And, I probably don’t need to tell you that I’m thinking that there is a conspiracy involved in how this mess is unfolding.   

But, let me share my observations that have crystallized in my mind as being the reality of the matter.  See, this topic got super hot for me the first day gas went over the price of $3.  It was like I had an out of body experience when I looked at the sign and saw $3.14 (I know it is $3.69-$3.79 now). 

I said to myself, “Look at how the gas has dropped in price since this morning.”  I just couldn’t immediately absorb the fact that gas was more than I had ever seen it before in my lifetime.  I felt a low burning frustration that left me mumbling as I went about my nightly routine.  My mother asked me what my problem was but I was only able to keep repeating $3.14. 

This state of mind went on for a few days before I was able to verbalize my real doubt (about increased prices being about anything other than stealing from the consumer) and frustration, in English, to those around me.  I began wondering, as consumers, if we need to move towards REVOLUTION! Yes, I know that it would be as beneficial as those emails that go around saying boycott the gas station on this day – I mean really whether you fill up the day before or the day after – they still getting paid AND we still need fuel and other things. 

I went so far as to ask a close friend if he would enter the  REVOLUTION! with me (keep in mind I drive hundreds of miles a week to get to and from work).  But, for some reason, he didn’t totally trust my motivations - but - to keep the peace he told me he wasn’t sure.  He indicated he needed more information before he could commit to such a thing as he could see himself doing a lot of time (following me around) and I would be off on my next crusade.  IMAGINE THAT!       

Okay, so shortly after I modified my meager budget to include more money for gasoline – I noted a suspicious happening with the total price for groceries!  At this point, I really had to be careful because I’m the kind that once I lock in on something – I won’t let it go until I’m 100% satisfied.  I had to find the least self consuming way to get my concerns across because the majority of what I was considering doing was going to take me hours and hours to execute! 

You’re probably wondering, “WHAT THE HECK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?”  Okay, I was thinking about cross referencing my receipts between two local stores to see where I was getting the better price.  Now, I’ve worked hard for years to try and spend my money with the local grocery chain because it is the only company that has a store in what I call central Topeka (Huntoon) where a number of families with young children and low resources reside.  I felt concerned about where they would be able to shop if that store closed down like so many others stores in other neighborhoods. 

I held on and was able to maintain my resistance until I read a little article in one of my favorite little magazines that indicated that food prices would increase 3-4% this year.  And then it happened; I broke and the thoughts and words spilled!  I know good and well my expenses have increased more than a mere 3-4%!   

Don’t get me wrong, I have total confidence in God’s ability to meet our needs.  I would be remiss and very shamed before the All Mighty to not state this upfront for the record.

Okay, so what is the thing that is working under my skin?  Somebody (big business, congress, the powers that be or whatever “they” are calling themselves) thinks we STU·PID!  What do I base this claim upon? 

·         Reportedly, food prices are increasing because of poor crops due to bad weather.

·         Reportedly, clothing prices will be increasing because of poor cotton crops due to bad weather.

·         Reportedly, the price of energy resources (oil & gas) is based on speculation (not actual supplies) about the impact of current events and the prospects are looking bad; okay allegedly slightly better – I mean pennies better – since the head of al-Qaida was located.

COME ON NOW – WE AIN’T STU·PID!

1.    The federal government provides farming subsidies to mitigate losses due to bad weather! 

2.    You mean after all that oil spilling in the gulf; the company spokesperson admitting on national television that it was the company’s fault; President Obama letting the company know they’d do well to not pay their stock holders again before cleaning up their mess; folks not being properly compensated by the company as they were supposed to be (you remember the commercials that aren’t seen anymore - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w8Aw5Byis8) that they only suffered a $17 billon dollar loss – but still a profit -    (http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2011/02/profits_v_prices.html) while others doubled their profits?  (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/business/energy/7395954.html) –

and I’m supposed to be at peace with the gas and home energy prices rising due to

S-P-E-C-U-L-A-T-I-O-N?  P-L-E-A-S-E!!!

3.    Big oil is bringing in profits like they are printing money themselves; federal government is 14 trillion dollars in the whole but some of the government as well as big oil thinks it’s a bad idea to cease the subsidy payments to that industry.  R-E-A-L-L-Y?    

4.    That same local grocery chain acts like they’re really working with the community and says it is possible to earn points toward gas discounts but they put a 35 gallon limit on what you can get.  So, although your points may add up (and a lot faster with the prices rising) you still are only gonna get so much which = never breaking even or getting ahead! 

5.    I can’t even speak to the whole federal budget hot mess of alleged budget cutting (what is a million/billion dollar cut in the face of 14 trillion?) 

6.    COME ON NOW – HOW MANY TIMES WE GOT TO PAY FOR THE SAME THING?  We do recognize all these industries are getting paid several times over for the same item. 

ALL I’M SAYING IS - WE AIN’T STU·PID!

Is it really right to try and make up alleged profit deficits off our backs?

MOTHERHOOD

I know historically, on Mother’s Day, it is customary to reminisce over all the lovely things our mother’s have done for and meant to us.  As a mother, I’ve constantly questioned my parenting formula while my children and the many other children I was blessed to help and support along the way, were growing up.  I have many chances even now to replay the things I wished I’d done better; or the pain I couldn’t shield them from. 

So, I’m not going to spend my special day looking at that!  What I’ve decided to do is to spend this special day reviewing the things I’ve most enjoyed about my motherhood experience.  I pledged my life to caring for and protecting the children I gave birth to and some that have happened to cross my path; and while weighty, there have been some wonderful, magical times. 

Oddly enough, in the days when I “planned” my future as a very young girl, I intended to have four sons or no children at all.  Okay, so now you know just how young I was – I really thought I got to make those choices!  Smile. 

But the moment I knew I was pregnant – I loved those babies.  My first child was everything I thought she would be, with the exception of her sex; she was pretty, pleasant, smart and happy. 

That baby and I rode all over the place.  I was blessed with some sister/friends that felt kinship to us and the little chick had several moms.  It never once dawned on me that I shouldn’t call them and say, “It is your turn today.”  We painted her nails for the pool, combed her hair and made a regular little doll out of her. 

Her Grandfather sent her a bear that recording everything that was being said in the room and then would start talking.  That bear traveled all the houses and caused lots of problems.  I packed her off for one of her stays at her “Auntie’s” house and secretly included the bear.  She took the batteries out (and ruined my fun for that day).  The bear was eventually banned from all the places we went; years later, this “Auntie” flew across the country to see this child wed and was innocently and conveniently set up by me with the runner (still laughing at this). 

One of her “Aunties” sent her a real wool reversible blanket of a bear.  She recently received said blanket to hang on the wall of her own child.  And that “Auntie” took pictures of her final fitting of her wedding gown and helped – tirelessly with her wedding. 

Another time, one of her “Aunties” watched her while I worked some overtime on a Saturday morning.  When I got home, the “Auntie” was at the door with the munchkin in her arms; she extended her arms to me and deposited our little angel and told me, “I owe you lipstick #517!”  Apparently, our little angel broke free and put some stuff on while the watching “Auntie” was knocked out.  Apparently, “Auntie” felt betrayed. 

The kid was musically inclined and I called her the little DJ as a toddler.  She would turn up the tape player and play her eight key piano to Bob James,’ 3am – in time and in tone (as much as was possible); and when the song was over, she would turn the music down. 

Over her young years, she offered me some life altering advice.  Like what you ask?  1.  Take a nap when cranky and 2.  Wear sunglasses on hot days to feel cooler.  She was 3 or 4 at the time she gave me that advice. 

She helped to mold my frame of reference on some things.  Like the time I was completely determined to listen to her read an ‘I Can Read’ book (76 pages) about a dinosaur.  The dinosaur’s name was on every page but no matter how many times I gave her the correct pronunciation during the first 10 pages – she insisted the name was something different.  Right before I blew my top – smile, - she said, “I’m the one with the problem, why are you upset?”   

She also didn’t see much point in me holding a grudge against her especially if I had already told her what was right and she kind of forced me into early forgiveness.  We spent many hours laughing and giggling as she grew up.  I’m so pleased to say that we still have a number of good giggling sessions.  She is an exceptional young woman and I really like the way she transitioned into motherhood; they are doing a good job. 

My second child was everything I thought he would be, with the exception of his sex; he was so cute, so smart and very feisty.  It took a while for us to learn to communicate with each other effectively.  I spent many months trying to get across to this kid that I was the boss as he put me through my paces! 

Before he could walk, he made his way around in this old walker I found for him.  He whizzed around our place tending his little pieces of business.  We had many “arguments” while he cruised around.  We would both lift our fist to the sky.  His father often asked me what it was like dealing with myself and did I know I was arguing with a baby.  He never understood that the kid was a thinker and that intellect had to be nurtured. 

His second Christmas, he decided to “steal” the candy canes off the tree.  It was cute to see him “admiring” the tree and then hauling baby butt before the tree fell on him.

That kid hid the candy, from his looting of the tree, somewhere in the bedroom.  He would take a tour and come back eating candy.  I searched and searched (even got on the floor to see things from his perspective) and could not find the candy. 

Come on – the kid was in a walker!  I even tried to sneak a peek in on him.  He would go in the room and slightly shut the door (he knew if he shut it all the way he couldn’t get out) but he just sat there like a lump while I was watching.  Later, he came out – eating candy.   

He had a white polar bear that was a gift from his grandmother.  He used to roll around in the floor growling with that bear.  I guess they were fighting.  One time, he fell asleep with the bear on top.  So, the bear did win one fight.

My grandmother had warned me to never make up stories for the children – “tell them the truth.”  So, when at the age of 2, he asked me what rain was, of course I made up an elaborate story about creation.  I remember actually feeling proud of my little story wishing I had written it down as I drifted off to sleep that night. 

You guessed it!  The next morning, when the kid saw rain on the cement, he melted down.  He started to kick the water to the grass and wailed, “This water for the grass.”  I had to pick the kid up like a bag of potatoes and put him in the car.  Of course, my grandmother witnessed this! 

The kiddo always had presence.  I can personally testify to the fact that folks would go out of or drive out of their way to bring this kid money.    

The boy could talk and talk.  I truly thank my Aunt for listening to endless hours of his talking.  He’s her “little buddy” and until their favorite place closed down, he took her out for a burger every year.  At first, she drove him and then he would drive her. 

When he went through his “hiding” phase, I determined to help the boy be a first class “hider.”  I know!  WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING?  You guessed it, he hid from me and that ended those stupid lessons. 

I must blame my son and my mother for my addiction to Harry Potter.  My son and I would read together most nights in my room.  I really looked forward to those sessions because sometimes he would share some of the things he thought deeply about. 

My mother gifted us the first book and that kid of mine would change the story plot to get me ranting and raving!  I finally figured it out because he seemed to get too much joy out of me melting down. 

I remember the time this kid gave me a lot of mouth on Halloween and then went out with his sister.  I heard them coming in and ran and got in his closet.  I slowly opened the closet door while they were trading candy.  My daughter didn’t waste time, she left the room but my son was stunned.  I laughed and laughed that day (now, I’ma plead the 5^th if this is child abuse) and needless to say we didn’t have to revisit that topic again. 

But the kid had a fierce sense of the need to protect his sister (yep, she was five years older but that mattered not to him).  At the age they were, boys showed their “like” by throwing rocks and pushing.  Needless to say, my daughter and cousin had to pull the little guy off her would be suitor.  I had many long discussions with this kid over the years and can honestly say I’m still privy to being shown his “muscles.” 

I like the friendship he shares with his sister and her husband and I love the uncle and older cousin he is to the little folks in our lives.  I love that he shares his poetry with me and patiently listens to mine.  I also remember the very first time he told me he was proud of me – I still get misty eyed thinking about it because he was so mature.

My mother and I have kicked around what aspects might be considered when trying to judge ones’ parenting success - I’m still not sure about how to exactly judge successful parenting.  But I can say that today’s meandering has lead me to wonder what my mother most enjoyed about parenting; which means – I will be holding an interrogation session the rest of the day to get this information! 

I’d love to know what you’ve most enjoyed on your motherhood journey.  I also wish you a very wonderful mother’s day – no matter how you choose to spend it and a very blessed year building more parenting and/or grand parenting memory moments.           

http://social.zune.net/bingplayer/?v=1.0#mid=15D20E00-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&title=3%20A.M.&artist=Bob%20James&album=Obsession&artistid=901A0000-0600-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&albumid=0FD20E00-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&dto=1&preview=0&explicit=0&lyrics=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bing.com%2Fmusic%2Flyrics%2Fdetail%3Fq%3DBob%2520James%25203%2520A.M.%26songID%3D15D20E00-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933%26lyricsID%3D%26albumID%3D0FD20E00-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933%26artistID%3D901A0000-0600-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933%26pc%3DLRFD%26form%3DDTPMUZ

BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER

Over eight years ago, I participated in a community project with a group of “make it happen” kind of people.  Some of the folks on this team I had known for many years and a few I met at the start of the project.  It was fun while we were able to keep going.  I continue to stay in touch but not as often as I would like. 

God has blessed me to meet exceptional people throughout my life.  I met one such woman during the community project.  She is very beautiful (inside and out).  She is like the rest of us in that she survived a divorce, raised productive children, and learned to take better care of her health and cares for those around her. 

We recently had an email exchange in which she said something to me that has been burning in my spirit ever since.  I’ve shared it with a few folks in general conversations but I just can’t let it go. 

Now, I believe in epiphany statements.  We will probably speak about this in depth at a later time but I will tell you that I have two statements that govern/guide my thoughts by; be about the solution and GOD IS ABLE!  I believe I’ve just found another one to add to my guide book.    

I asked my friend how she was doing and was simply blown away by her words.  She said,

“I can’t complain; I could but my blessings are greater.”

My blessings are greater... My blessings are greater... My blessings are greater… kept running through my mind.  See, I know people are going through things!  They are being challenged with all kinds of things such as the economy.  They are enduring illness and the loss of loved ones. 

I received a CNN breaking news email indicating that our unemployment rate dipped to 8.8% during the month of March.  However, I know some folks that have been looking for a reasonable paying job for years now.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER!  I have a job that I love most of the time and it has allowed me to care for some kiddos without a second job (which was needed when I was raising my children) with potentials on the horizon – if I faint not.

I went to the doctor the other day for a cough (I figured it was bronchitis and it was).  I told the doctor “I’m old and I’m really struggling to keep this body together.”  He looked at me and said “you’re not old – this is common stuff – you will be fine.”  In my mind I was thinking about my knee and those hot flashes I’ve been dealing but said nothing. 

BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER and I’m so ashamed before the Lord because I had asked the receptionist how she’s doing when I called for the appointment.  This woman, the receptionist, has been putting up a gallant fight against cancer.  I’ve kept her in my prayers and when I got to that office; after speaking to her and understanding the magnitude of the fight she’s in – I had the nerve to go in that room and whine about my knee and catching on fire at a moment’s notice! 

Two days after this encounter, I was entering the local grocery store when I ran into a man that this time last year had been given a death sentence by the cancer doctors.  The brother looked very happy, healthy and well.  I said to him that I had heard he had a mighty powerful testimony and he confirmed that God has been very good and merciful to him.  I let him know that I believe he and his wife are lovely people and I would continue to keep them in my thoughts and prayers; as deep in my spirit I shouted, GLORY, GLORY, GLORY!

I complain and whine about how tired I am and how frustrating this round of parenting is for me (I’m sure all the same sad songs I sung when I did this the first time).  Yes, the little peeps have some challenges ahead of them but if you saw them you’d really have no idea how they began in this world.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER …I heard of a family that has a son who was born healthy; was meeting all of his developmental milestones when suddenly he was ill; the 2 year old was eventually diagnosis with a very rare cancer.  He can’t eat by himself, he can’t sit by himself, he’s not talking much anymore and the family is waiting with baited breath to find out if the treatment made any impact on the disease. 

I’m carrying more weight than I would like.  I’ve always done a little exercise to keep my body from getting stiff and feel I’ve done a good job of maintaining.  With my little knee problem, I’m just not able to do what I’ve done in the past and I’ve gained.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER… I don’t have high blood pressure, sugar diabetes or high cholesterol and still manage to have a cute day or two from time to time. 

The other day, someone I know wrote, “Thank you for redeeming my soul.”  I thank you Holy Spirit for bringing this to my attention and giving me this opportunity to grow;  please Lord help me be more like you and a lot less like myself; help me filter my complaints through the lens of my blessings.

I NEED YOU

Tell me what you think.  I’m really very curious and want to know how you perceive “need?”  What brings me to this request?  Okay, this is what had happened….

If you know me, you know I like to tease - a lot!  [I can’t seem to help it and blame it all on my maternal grandfather who has moved over to glory.  He found great joy in giving out riddles and playing jokes on and taunting folks and I seem to have the trait.] 

I recently found myself gifted an opportunity to “taunt” someone but the total result of what began as a tongue-in-cheek adventure showed me dividends beyond my expectations – a true gift and opportunity to tune myself . 

Relax; of course I prefaced all of what I’m about to share with my infamous statement: 

“I live alone, so don’t listen to me – apparently I don’t know how to make all that work.”

The Taunt

I was visiting with a married young lady.  I “dared” her to leave go the arguments (they hadn’t been settled in some years and weren’t likely to be in a couple weeks) during a two week timeframe.  I also challenged her to replace the fussing with these words: “I need you.” 

See, I read a lot and I’ve read articles that suggest that women of our time are so busy professionally, large & in charge but those skills aren’t helpful in the home.  It’s home and not the board room – so to speak.  I just wondered if those “simple” words could make the impact that all the arguing in the world couldn’t achieve. 

Then my fun and games began….I would text her or email her or mouth to her as she went by the “simple” words.  I must have messed with her so - that she apparently shared the dare with another married lady; which I only found out when the second lady turned the tables on me and began saying the “simple” three words to me when we would see one another. 

I finally had the opportunity to visit with the new player in the taunt shortly after Valentine’s Day.  She explained that she’d said the “simple” phrase to her spouse of many years and was very pleased by the outcome (she got flowers and a love email).  She further shared that when she said that to her husband – he was speechless (apparently never a problem for him under any circumstance) and they hadn’t exchanged love notes since they were 19 years old. 

Then she and I kicked around the question of what he may have felt when he heard the words and she agreed to ask him.  He told her that he felt like he was a part of the marriage versus a visitor (well, you know some women of color – we know how to let a brother know we can get the job done with or without him); he felt valued for more than the honey-would-you-do-list.  This gave me more reason to pause and ponder the issue of “needing” someone else.      

So, I continued to gather information regarding this “simple” phrase because suddenly my ability to need someone seemed to be a vital key to long-term commitment and LUV.  Historically, I’ve avoided “needing” someone because – well let’s just say I’ve been unlucky in LUV. 

Okay, so WHAT THE HECK does “need” mean?  Immediately, I associated “need” with not being able to function without this other person; that person being the boss over me; ummmm – what’s that word in the bible – SUBMISSIVE and stuff like that.  You know – pitiful. 

I’m just not the type to go homeless or hungry because “he” didn’t come through (I have seen this happen with my own eyes).  When I left home, I was a mother and understood my kiddo liked to eat on time – despite whatever else I might have going on.  So, I had to have some things on the ball – period.   

Now, I have no idea why I associated “need” to that because in the relationships I’ve seen working well (from my definition of well) this absolutely hasn’t been the case!  In fact, there is a lot of playfulness between the couples and a willingness to consult the other before making decisions that could impact the family system.      

Ok, so accepting my view to be skewed (smile) I started asking my friends what their take on it was.  I and my friends that find themselves in the same marital status seem to really struggle with putting the definition into words.  I was downright stalking this “problem” when I heard someone say they were reaching out to me because they felt I needed them.  I realized it didn’t bother me to be perceived as needing them or to even consider my needing them. 

Of course, being me, I just couldn’t leave it at that.  I had to know if I was needed.  The response was affirmative but as I hadn’t truly settled on my own definition of this “need” thing - I was a little let down by the way in which I’m “needed.”   

I even asked my mom if she needed my Dust and she said yes (with a long list of honey-would-you-dos).  But, she suddenly stopped talking and simply said “yes, I need him.”  She too ended up writing a letter of love (yes, I apologized to my Dust cause now he has to give a response to maintain peace in the valley - smile). 

Looking back over how this pursuit began, I confessed to myself that I really do have more nerve than Dick Tracey (ole cartoon for those of you who don’t know).  I don’t remember ever saying to a beloved, “I need you.”  I’m sure I said, I like you, I love you, I’d like to work this out and I’m sorry but I’ve never said I “need” you.  I’ve certainly never said it and waited on them to come through either.    

I’ve decided to define “need,” for myself to mean; this person is requisite, indispensable, essential & necessary for my well being and somehow makes me want to be/makes me better. 

What I learned in this process

1.      I want to “need” someone

2.      It is really important to me to know that I too have the capacity to be this for my soul mate

AND

I should leave folks alone!  My fun and games usually lead to me finding some work to do on myself!  At this rate, I’m a fool around and make some serious internal changes and find myself in that committed LUV situation!