WISDOM

Of late, I’ve found myself contemplating (what I would call) some heavy life subjects.   I’m clear about what I feel grateful for having in my life; at the same time, I find myself thinking/feeling/believing there has to be more.  I don’t hold this “impression” because I believe I’m so special or entitled to more than what God has gifted or entrusted to me (although I recognize to some I am special as some are very special to me) but rather I mark it up to my present life not being what I thought my life would be like 25, 20, 15, 10 or even 5 years ago. 

 

 

 What has touched all this off for me?  Well, earlier this year, I learned of a previous co-worker’s (whom I held in a place of affection in my mind’s memory) personal and professional lives melting down.  I was shocked, alarmed and deeply impacted by this information. 

 I found myself questioning if I had somehow failed this person as we had not maintained contact.  I shifted from that to wondering if the folks in my inner circle would pull me to the side if they noted that I was unraveling at my very core (no worries there – they have my back which includes telling me I’ve jumped the track and need to get back on).  And from there, I became angry on behalf of and with my previous co-worker.

The anger was a lot harder for me to understand and to explain.  In my efforts to place this anger in an appropriate place – I drove my inner circle of friends CRAZY.  But, I eventually narrowed my thoughts down to one simple question that my Mentor/Teacher/Friend – (her gift is healing and I affectionately call her “The Healer,” ) so patiently worked me through.

My simple question was (because I needed to know and be able to believe) can someone really “heal” from such a life’s melt down?

See, I’m the type of person that has to be able to find the solution to difficult circumstances; I need to find that second or third way to skin the same cat; I have to be able to locate the hope in every situation and highlight the strengths or be able to identify just one good thing about a situation; which I was struggling to do. 

For some years now, I’ve used “time is elusive” as my battle cry (if you will) to keep what is most important to me front and center of my consciousness and regular efforts.  I just don’t want to find at the end of my days that I’ve failed to encourage others along the way, to listen patiently when others needed a listening ear, or to respond to the urging of the Holy Spirit to reach out and assist others. 

I don’t want to have failed to say thank you, I miss you, I love you or even I need you.  I don’t want to have failed to cultivate friendships in which I feel comfortable in saying I’m disappointed in myself, I’m sad, I’m lonely or to cry (although I prefer to cry alone in the night after I’ve gone to bed because those tears are rough on this ole face and sinuses). 

And I’m truly blessed to have folks in my life that allow me to do for them and that also do for me.  As I’ve previously mentioned, I have some fabulous friends. 

I know a group of women of varying professional backgrounds (common denominator is all are in the field of service) who graciously include me in the group.  We may share a meal; do a little people watching while we’re out; catch up on the latest happenings in one another’s life; shed a tear or two; get/give advice, share a story or poem, or pray.   

What I get most often from this circle of women is lessons to apply to my life.  Despite being as old as I am, sometimes I get the feeling that I’m fairly naïve (even bordering on dumb).  But, they all put up with me. 

I ask God for a special blessing for my Mentor/Teacher/Friend.  She is so patient with me and stuck with me (despite my “dumb” moments) while I pushed to settle the anger, concern and despair over my “friend.” 

It seems that I’m at the proverbial fork in the road.   I’m in the middle of some transitions in my career and in my personal life I’m surrounded by a host of little people whose needs set my pace. 

Despite my efforts, my body feels like it’s falling apart a section at a time and it now takes me all day to do absolutely NOTHING.  I’m watching and listening to my parents and others in my life while Bonnie Raitt’s Nick of Time, blasts in the back of my mind (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy8gHfGIS_A – hey, my sister/friend is right – there is a song for every circumstance)!

THINGS ARE CHANGING AND I DON’T SEEM TO HAVE MUCH INPUT OR CONTROL OVER HOW SOME THINGS ARE CHANGING!

These life transitions (whether considered good, planned, unplanned or bad) can be very stressful (http://honolulu.hawaii.edu/intranet/committees/FacDevCom/guidebk/teachtip/stress.htm)!  You know, it is incredibly humbling and very scary to face one’s fears.  What’s my fear?  I’m on the back end of time now and I still haven’t figured out what I really want to do with my life and I don’t know if I will get it figured out.  Smile.    

There is a part of me that wants to pick up the pace and cram some more stuff into this life of mine.  But I just don’t have the energy.  And then there is the adjusting to the fact that things change, managing my regrets and grief over what could have been and just isn’t and the fact that there must be some way to adjust more gracefully. 

The answer to my question is this:  people can & do heal but they adjust their life’s activities to match what they can comfortable handle.

Now, this may have been obvious to you – but as I mentioned I have some slow moments.  In fact, it took me a few days to recognize some real wisdom had been kicked out my way.  I continued to consider this simple truth.

As the weeks passed, I began hearing the echoes of sound council I’d received from senior beautiful women in my youth – although at the time, I couldn’t make a bit of sense out of what my Grandmother and Ms. Florida Pettis was saying (which should have been clue #1 that they both were giving me the same message in the same timeframe– “don’t burn your candle at both ends”).   

I’m reminded of Ecclesiastes third chapter (I especially like the Message version; http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ecc%203&version=MSG) .  Perhaps the things I’d like to stuff my time with really aren’t for me to do; perhaps that season has passed and I should just stick with the wisdom that was kicked my way and find peace. 

THERE IS NO SHAME IN STAYING WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF MY CAPACITIES – IT’S SIMPLY WISE!