Saturday, April 23, 2011

BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER

Over eight years ago, I participated in a community project with a group of “make it happen” kind of people.  Some of the folks on this team I had known for many years and a few I met at the start of the project.  It was fun while we were able to keep going.  I continue to stay in touch but not as often as I would like. 

God has blessed me to meet exceptional people throughout my life.  I met one such woman during the community project.  She is very beautiful (inside and out).  She is like the rest of us in that she survived a divorce, raised productive children, and learned to take better care of her health and cares for those around her. 

We recently had an email exchange in which she said something to me that has been burning in my spirit ever since.  I’ve shared it with a few folks in general conversations but I just can’t let it go. 

Now, I believe in epiphany statements.  We will probably speak about this in depth at a later time but I will tell you that I have two statements that govern/guide my thoughts by; be about the solution and GOD IS ABLE!  I believe I’ve just found another one to add to my guide book.    

I asked my friend how she was doing and was simply blown away by her words.  She said,

“I can’t complain; I could but my blessings are greater.”

My blessings are greater... My blessings are greater... My blessings are greater… kept running through my mind.  See, I know people are going through things!  They are being challenged with all kinds of things such as the economy.  They are enduring illness and the loss of loved ones. 

I received a CNN breaking news email indicating that our unemployment rate dipped to 8.8% during the month of March.  However, I know some folks that have been looking for a reasonable paying job for years now.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER!  I have a job that I love most of the time and it has allowed me to care for some kiddos without a second job (which was needed when I was raising my children) with potentials on the horizon – if I faint not.

I went to the doctor the other day for a cough (I figured it was bronchitis and it was).  I told the doctor “I’m old and I’m really struggling to keep this body together.”  He looked at me and said “you’re not old – this is common stuff – you will be fine.”  In my mind I was thinking about my knee and those hot flashes I’ve been dealing but said nothing. 

BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER and I’m so ashamed before the Lord because I had asked the receptionist how she’s doing when I called for the appointment.  This woman, the receptionist, has been putting up a gallant fight against cancer.  I’ve kept her in my prayers and when I got to that office; after speaking to her and understanding the magnitude of the fight she’s in – I had the nerve to go in that room and whine about my knee and catching on fire at a moment’s notice! 

Two days after this encounter, I was entering the local grocery store when I ran into a man that this time last year had been given a death sentence by the cancer doctors.  The brother looked very happy, healthy and well.  I said to him that I had heard he had a mighty powerful testimony and he confirmed that God has been very good and merciful to him.  I let him know that I believe he and his wife are lovely people and I would continue to keep them in my thoughts and prayers; as deep in my spirit I shouted, GLORY, GLORY, GLORY!

I complain and whine about how tired I am and how frustrating this round of parenting is for me (I’m sure all the same sad songs I sung when I did this the first time).  Yes, the little peeps have some challenges ahead of them but if you saw them you’d really have no idea how they began in this world.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER …I heard of a family that has a son who was born healthy; was meeting all of his developmental milestones when suddenly he was ill; the 2 year old was eventually diagnosis with a very rare cancer.  He can’t eat by himself, he can’t sit by himself, he’s not talking much anymore and the family is waiting with baited breath to find out if the treatment made any impact on the disease. 

I’m carrying more weight than I would like.  I’ve always done a little exercise to keep my body from getting stiff and feel I’ve done a good job of maintaining.  With my little knee problem, I’m just not able to do what I’ve done in the past and I’ve gained.  BUT MY BLESSINGS ARE GREATER… I don’t have high blood pressure, sugar diabetes or high cholesterol and still manage to have a cute day or two from time to time. 

The other day, someone I know wrote, “Thank you for redeeming my soul.”  I thank you Holy Spirit for bringing this to my attention and giving me this opportunity to grow;  please Lord help me be more like you and a lot less like myself; help me filter my complaints through the lens of my blessings.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I NEED YOU

Tell me what you think.  I’m really very curious and want to know how you perceive “need?”  What brings me to this request?  Okay, this is what had happened….

If you know me, you know I like to tease - a lot!  [I can’t seem to help it and blame it all on my maternal grandfather who has moved over to glory.  He found great joy in giving out riddles and playing jokes on and taunting folks and I seem to have the trait.] 

I recently found myself gifted an opportunity to “taunt” someone but the total result of what began as a tongue-in-cheek adventure showed me dividends beyond my expectations – a true gift and opportunity to tune myself . 

Relax; of course I prefaced all of what I’m about to share with my infamous statement: 
“I live alone, so don’t listen to me – apparently I don’t know how to make all that work.”

The Taunt
I was visiting with a married young lady.  I “dared” her to leave go the arguments (they hadn’t been settled in some years and weren’t likely to be in a couple weeks) during a two week timeframe.  I also challenged her to replace the fussing with these words: “I need you.” 

See, I read a lot and I’ve read articles that suggest that women of our time are so busy professionally, large & in charge but those skills aren’t helpful in the home.  It’s home and not the board room – so to speak.  I just wondered if those “simple” words could make the impact that all the arguing in the world couldn’t achieve. 

Then my fun and games began….I would text her or email her or mouth to her as she went by the “simple” words.  I must have messed with her so - that she apparently shared the dare with another married lady; which I only found out when the second lady turned the tables on me and began saying the “simple” three words to me when we would see one another. 

I finally had the opportunity to visit with the new player in the taunt shortly after Valentine’s Day.  She explained that she’d said the “simple” phrase to her spouse of many years and was very pleased by the outcome (she got flowers and a love email).  She further shared that when she said that to her husband – he was speechless (apparently never a problem for him under any circumstance) and they hadn’t exchanged love notes since they were 19 years old. 

Then she and I kicked around the question of what he may have felt when he heard the words and she agreed to ask him.  He told her that he felt like he was a part of the marriage versus a visitor (well, you know some women of color – we know how to let a brother know we can get the job done with or without him); he felt valued for more than the honey-would-you-do-list.  This gave me more reason to pause and ponder the issue of “needing” someone else.      

So, I continued to gather information regarding this “simple” phrase because suddenly my ability to need someone seemed to be a vital key to long-term commitment and LUV.  Historically, I’ve avoided “needing” someone because – well let’s just say I’ve been unlucky in LUV. 

Okay, so WHAT THE HECK does “need” mean?  Immediately, I associated “need” with not being able to function without this other person; that person being the boss over me; ummmm – what’s that word in the bible – SUBMISSIVE and stuff like that.  You know – pitiful. 

I’m just not the type to go homeless or hungry because “he” didn’t come through (I have seen this happen with my own eyes).  When I left home, I was a mother and understood my kiddo liked to eat on time – despite whatever else I might have going on.  So, I had to have some things on the ball – period.   

Now, I have no idea why I associated “need” to that because in the relationships I’ve seen working well (from my definition of well) this absolutely hasn’t been the case!  In fact, there is a lot of playfulness between the couples and a willingness to consult the other before making decisions that could impact the family system.      

Ok, so accepting my view to be skewed (smile) I started asking my friends what their take on it was.  I and my friends that find themselves in the same marital status seem to really struggle with putting the definition into words.  I was downright stalking this “problem” when I heard someone say they were reaching out to me because they felt I needed them.  I realized it didn’t bother me to be perceived as needing them or to even consider my needing them. 

Of course, being me, I just couldn’t leave it at that.  I had to know if I was needed.  The response was affirmative but as I hadn’t truly settled on my own definition of this “need” thing - I was a little let down by the way in which I’m “needed.”   

I even asked my mom if she needed my Dust and she said yes (with a long list of honey-would-you-dos).  But, she suddenly stopped talking and simply said “yes, I need him.”  She too ended up writing a letter of love (yes, I apologized to my Dust cause now he has to give a response to maintain peace in the valley - smile). 

Looking back over how this pursuit began, I confessed to myself that I really do have more nerve than Dick Tracey (ole cartoon for those of you who don’t know).  I don’t remember ever saying to a beloved, “I need you.”  I’m sure I said, I like you, I love you, I’d like to work this out and I’m sorry but I’ve never said I “need” you.  I’ve certainly never said it and waited on them to come through either.    

I’ve decided to define “need,” for myself to mean; this person is requisite, indispensable, essential & necessary for my well being and somehow makes me want to be/makes me better. 



What I learned in this process
1.      I want to “need” someone
2.      It is really important to me to know that I too have the capacity to be this for my soul mate

AND

I should leave folks alone!  My fun and games usually lead to me finding some work to do on myself!  At this rate, I’m a fool around and make some serious internal changes and find myself in that committed LUV situation!