I recently had the opportunity to attend a professional conference in San Diego, CA. The flight out went well as did my flight home. However, the flights home had some very interesting “people watching” moments. There is absolutely no way I can pass up sharing this experience with you!
First, let me be honest and say that I always take too much stuff with me when I go on a trip. I NEED OPTIONS! I have no way of knowing what my mood will be on any given day. The morning of my departure both my bags were packed full (I had to buy - at the Ross store - the second bag while on the trip) and very heavy. I double checked that I had my cash handy because I knew I was going to have to tip heavy for the weight of the bags.
Upon arriving at the airport, a very nice and handsome African-American man helped me at curb side. He actually walked about ¼ of the block to get my bags for me! The longest part of getting checked in curb side was finding my money to tip that brother!
I moved on to the security check. I thought I had dressed down and should avoid having to get naked at the gate but I was wrong. After taking lots of stuff off and having my bags riffled through – I was treated to the infamous full body scan. I didn’t like it at all! Something about standing next to the machine with legs and arms spread wide seemed like an accusation within itself. What the heck is really going on – I was just waiting for the flashing red lights of the law.
I passed that part of the examination and moved on to try and put my bags back together. As I was doing this, a lovely TSA employee let me know that I needed to step to the table. Upon arriving at the table I was notified that the $8 snow globe of San Diego, CA had to be placed in my checked luggage or left with someone.
My checked bags were downstairs somewhere in the airport and I knew no one in the city. The TSA employee patiently waited to find out my choice – I calmly told her that I was on my way home, luggage was downstairs somewhere and I knew no one and certainly had no interest in staying with the $8 snow globe versus making my way home. She was totally serious - who would waste the gas to come and get the $8 snow globe?
I continued on my way, but felt compelled to call a friend that works for TSA to tell him about his people. As I walked and talked - I came upon the airport convenience store. Lo and behold – they sell $8 snow globes in the store past the security check point! My friend, the TSA employee, tried to convince me that all the stuff in the store had been checked prior to being placed on the shelves in the store. YEAH RIGHT!!! And the tooth fairy still flys (really – ask my children).
I diligently searched for a seat in the gate area of my pending flight. I sent a text message to my mother to let her know that she would not be getting her customary snow globe this trip and found a seat next to some of the folks connected to my employer; one of which had made a presentation. What I most liked about his presentation was the fact that he likened the type of work done as “God’s work” because we stand in the gap on behalf of people that can’t protect themselves. I’d also like to share that I’ve found folks that are perceived to have mega power in a system to be most friendly as is true about the fellas I sat near – but I digress.
I sat down and ate my little snack while brooding over the whole body scan thing. Being who I am, I was actively searching for a positive in this situation (aside from passing the test and being on my way home) when a grand idea hit me. The fellas were discussing some book one of them was reading and kindly entertained my interruption; “I wonder if folks that are under-insured can get copies of that whole body scan to give to their doctors” was my question.
At first they had great doubts but I pointed out to them that one year I gave blood and told some folks that is a good place for the uninsured/under-insured to go because they check iron, cholesterol, blood pressure and a few other things and the following year there was a large article in the local paper saying the tests were a side benefit of donating. So, we kicked the thought around a little but they assured me that the TSA folks don’t keep the scans and don’t know me so they can’t send them on. We talked about ways to get copies while standing in the line but they decided they were more likely to miss their flight by trying to help me than actually helping me (you know the infamous, “come with me please” line).
While all of this conversation was going on there was a woman at a gate insisting that she be allowed to run back and get her cell phone that she’d left somewhere in the airport (outside of the security check). The only thing that the ticket lady could say is, “we will not hold this flight for you.” Another employee, (older gentleman) listened to her and took off jogging to try and get her phone before the plane left. The whole time, the ticket lady just kept saying, “you’d better board now because this flight won’t be held while he looks for your phone.”
About five minutes later, the employee came jogging back up. The ticket lady said with triumph, “you didn’t find it did you?” The man said, “Yes, I had success!” They both took off through the door to the plane and got the lady her phone. I really thought we all should have applauded his efforts; I mean he didn’t just stand around telling her what couldn’t happen – he got about making it happen!
But I was too consumed by the loss of the $8 snow globe, and my bid for a copy of my full body search to clue the crowd in on this one man’s good deed. I will tell you that once that gate shut down, I saw the employee walking by – probably off to his next work section and he looked beat. I guess that little jog was more of a sacrifice than we all knew.
Oh and did I mention the passenger that showed up to the gate about 40 minutes prior to the boarding time? She let the poor unsuspecting ticket taker know how pleased she was with the way the pilot set the plane down in an emergency in the Hudson. For one minute, I really thought she was going to start applauded them.
We began boarding the plan and the number one fan of American Airlines was calmly looking for her seat. When she got to her seat she noted that there was no room for her bag above her seat. She lost her cool and demanded that the bags be moved because they were where her bag should be. The flight attendant attempted to place her bag above a few seats forward but that only served to upset her further. She wanted to know why her bag had to move – “why don’t these bags have to move? They’re in the spot my bag belongs.”
In the end, she attempted to get the flight attendant to agree to watch her bag because (as all aboard learned from her loud exclamation) “my underwear are in there – I can’t lose that bag” (she said with complete seriousness as the little 8 or 9 year old boy standing behind her smiled widely – showing off the cutest dimples). I would later watch the same little boy pray with his mother as the plan approached take off and also allow his mother to kiss his face without any shame.
I got the attention of the flight attendant that was close to my seat and explained that the bag lady passenger is obviously mentally ill and to just move the bag or the people. The attendant’s response was she was trying to be the most hands off attendant of the day and had no plans to intervene. As I explained my desire to not spend the rest of my day in the plane on the ground – a smart passenger got up and traded the lady seats. Again I felt the need to applaud.
Now, I’d had the strong urge to get out my netbook so I could write during the flight but figured the flight wouldn’t really be long enough to get deeply involved in such a project thus being more trouble than it was worth. The problem with that line of thinking is the flight was longer than 3 ½ hours!
So, I turned my attention to the information in the pocket in front of my seat. Did you know that micro-greens are packed with mega nutrients? I bet you didn’t know that vegemite is real and eaten regularly in Down Under? J.D. Robb has a new Eve Dallas book out; oh and I saw some of the sleekest cowboy boots too. But the biggest thing I learned was that I was on a really cool plane and could listen to different channels to all kinds of music.
So, I checked out the “spirit of R&B” channel but didn’t seem to recognize the song that was playing. So, I moved on to the “smooth” channel. I didn’t recognize that song either so I went back to the previous channel; and what should they be playing – Tony, Toni, Tone’s ‘Anniversary.’
But I had to leave the music alone when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to not sing out loud. I also needed to just stop that madness because the last time I was jamming to Tony, Toni, Tone I pulled a muscle in my backside and it took 2 days, liniment, heating pad and a pain patch to work that knot out!
So, I decided to take a little nap. The best I could hope for was not to totally embarrass myself by snoring loudly. Just as I began to doze off, we all heard the quick moving feet of a little person tearing a streak down the aisle of the plan. I remember thinking to myself, “that kid has got to be four because no one else would be courageous enough to run all out on a plane.
See I know cause I live with a four year old and his boldness is limitless. In fact, while I’m trying to get my whole body scan I figure I may also just write a petition against four year olds cause they’re just too big for life! Yeah, I will tell him the minute I get home, “you ain’t the boss of me boy!” and for once I will win.
I could tell you about the second flight home and how I had to calm down my seat mate because the flight attendant told her and her obviously new husband – “no talking.” I explained to the bride that the attendant was just kidding and the fact that even if she wasn’t to pretend she was because I wanted to go home. I could also mention the fact that when the same attendant came back for trash, as she glided by folks with the bag open she requested, “Cash, wallets, purses, jewelry and anything else worth money.
But hey, all in all – they were good and funny flights; may your next plane journey be so entertaining.
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