For my sisters that have been abused by the hands and actions of the one that promised to have your back through sickness/health; in good times and bad. I applaud your courage for not accepting less than your beloved’s best.
There are times in every life, I believe, that an individual is faced with so many obstacles that they just feel like quitting. It’s a time when the individual has done all they know that is right to do but evil appears to prevail but remember...
I don’t know if you know the story of Job or not but the oppressions can leave a person feeling a lot like Job did. But Job was a very interesting person in that God Himself had complete confidence in his ability to weather the storm.
I’ve had some severe storms in my life. I can honestly share that I didn’t do anywhere near as well as Job did. There were even times, while I was inside the storms that I didn’t understand the total cost of the fight I was in and wasn’t always able to recognize myself in the person wading through the debris of my storms.
Some years ago, I adopted one of Job’s sayings. When asked how I’m doing, if the day isn’t all I’d hoped/I want to whine and complain (oddly enough, I still get a fair amount of this done despite what I’m about to tell you)/I’m angry/I’m hurting/tired/sad, etc… I will say, “holding on!” I imagine that is what Job is saying in passage 14:14b (All the days of my struggle I will wait. Until my change comes. NASB). I’m holding on until my change comes because I know things will change at some point.
But, the question, during these bleak times in one’s life, becomes how is one to hold on? How does one keep breathing, moving, working, raising children to be all they can be, maintain personal relationships with family and friends, keep paying the bills, maintain sanity – HEAL- and not become the worse thing they’ve known; like their enemy?
How does one rebuild a life that has been torn down by one that was to love, provide and protect? How does one maintain when the system that was supposed to protect turns the opposite way and claims to have issued truth, fairness and justice? How does one reconcile the loss one’s child to CRAZY and beat back the fear of what CRAZY will do the mind of said beloved child?
How does one continue without growing bitter and resentful; without allowing such circumstances to twist and change the very core of themselves? See, this is the kind of stuff that can corrupt the soul in such a way that even the very body twists and becomes crippled under the stress of such internal weight.
BETRAYL is a heavy, heavy, heavy thing to digest.
Please hear what I have to say. Sister, I’m talking to you. Although you feel all alone – you are not alone. I know you’d just like to disappear. I see you - I won’t; I can’t let you disappear. Although you’ve tried all you know to try – you’ve got to keep pressing.
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 2 Cor 4:8-9
You are so close to being clear of this thing that has consumed so much of your joy, hope, inner peace and self love. You are so close to being free of this thing that often leaves you feeling shame and self loathing when you think about all you and yours have been through but hear me… don’t take the invitation to re-engage.
You think we don’t know? You think we don’t understand? That is so far from the truth; so many women; live with and have survived like circumstances – we do understand.
You’ve got to keep pressing.
Don’t operate out of the fear that has been built into your days and nights. Don’t take the bait made up of your deepest desires. Stay your course – you are so close now to reclaiming what has been stolen from you; peace of mind.
I know the questions you ask yourself as you’re tossed and turned by this ordeal. And, perhaps on some levels, you may have some heavy feelings of guilt. But that can’t be your focus now. Stay the course - sister, I’m talking to you. Please hear what I have to say.
…till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me. Job 27:5b (KJV)
Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee; 1 Chron 28:20b (KJV)
Beautifully said, Toi! I think many of us at one time or another could have used this message when we've felt broken & depleted in a so called, 'relationship". Love is a lot of things but this it is NOT! God's contined blessings in your life as He continues to use you to bless ours! love ya thanks for being you.
ReplyDeleteI didn't think anyone could possibly understand. I did want to just disappear. I feel so unworthy of the time others are spending helping me get through this. I keep asking myself what did I do to cause such pain in my own life. If I would have just endured and stayed with CRAZY at least I would still be with my son.
ReplyDeleteI will adopt Job's saying as well, because truthfully I never can find the right words to respond when someone asks me how I'm doing. Holding on pretty much sums it up. Even when I want to just go lay down on the ground and will death to come, I somehow manage to hold on to my right mind and keep moving forward (or maybe sideways). I don't know anymore, I'm just moving somehow.
How can you be unworthy with God Almighty watching your back (Is 58:8; Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard)? Your son will be like other sons, yes, even like my son – and your children too; will respect your strength, applaud your courage and appreciate your sacrifices.
ReplyDeleteMy prayer for you is and will be that whatever you need – whoever you need arrives just when you need it/them and that you accept the Forgiveness, the Grace, the Love and the everlasting Peace of Jesus as your gift from God.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27 (KJV)