BITTERSWEET

I grew up in the church - yep, Missionary Baptist!  I can remember me and my cousins doing a lot of – okay – perhaps - inappropriate laughing at some of the things that would happen during services (I especially remember an event during one Christmas program practice that can still bring tears of laughter to my eyes when I think about how hard we laughed). 

I also remember not being impressed or happy about the part of the service called the Devotion.  I thought it was meant to drag out our time in church (which if you know the Missionary Baptist – it already has the ingredients for a long service without this).  But, at the time, I just didn’t understand the purpose which isn’t to imply that I now do.  I’ve determined over the last several years that this is an area I’d like to do a little studying over.

Anyway, I digress from my point; I remember during the Devotion, the deacons would cut loose with some old hymn and the congregation would join in (usually sounding drug into it), then another deacon would read an old testament scripture and another would read a new testament scripture and then one would say a really looooooong prayer aloud; there were times when a deacon or two would give a testimony or perhaps someone from the congregation.  I remember thinking it seemed to be a time of mourning because everyone seemed so sad to me. 

In the last week, I’ve heard of sixteen (16) critical circumstances folks are in the midst of working their way through.  When I say a week, I mean seven (7) days.  When I say critical circumstances, I mean life altering losses that have the potential to forever change the color/depth/texture of their very being; the kind of experiences that have the foreboding power to create great grief and rent the soul.  The kinds of experiences that can set a person afloat and leave them feeling like they can’t see or make it to solid ground; to lose hope.     

See, I don’t know how the mothers and fathers of those young ladies that have moved over to glory will manage; I don’t know how the best friend will ease the void of the loss of her sister/friend; I don’t know how that granddaughter will assuage the loss of her beloved grandfather; I don’t know how that auntie will find the strength to see her niece through the illness that has moved into her body; I don’t know how that nephew will reconcile the uncle that was to the uncle that now is; I don’t know how that family will mend from the loss of their soldier; I don’t know how that wife will attune her family to the new reality of their life since her husband received a brain injury while balancing the needs of her husband, her children and herself with the demands of an insensitive work environment; I don’t know how that family will find the strength to fight for custody of their sweet little five year old grandchild – who thought it best “to call mommie” because all her friends were at the memorial and just knew mommie would want to see them; and I don’t know who will stand in as advocate and supreme support of the parents of the new grandbaby whose grandmother moved to glory. 

I wanted to pray.  I’d heard about a great many folks in need and I wanted to approach God Almighty and ask him to send the Holy Spirit to comfort and keep all those impacted.  My mind’s eye flipped between all of the situations I’d heard about in the last seven days and I found that I was completely unable to utter one word and a chill began to run up and down my limbs.  I was so choked up with unshed tears that even moaning was complicated and painful and I was left with little grunts which soon grew to moans.

As I moaned and paced in my room, I heard the Spirit say: 

…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. PS 30:5b (KJV)

And

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:26-28 (KJV)

 When I was a child, I didn’t realize those folks leading the Devotion were humbling themselves; centering themselves; pushing life’s hurts and insults over – within - just a little - to make room for the Holy Spirit down in their souls and into the service.  Healing...     

As I moaned and paced in my room, my mind’s ear began to hear those old deacons during Devotion. 

I heard:  Guide me, O thou great Jehovah, pilgrim through this barren land. 

                                         And I sung:  Guide me, O thou great Jehovah, pilgrim through this barren land.      

                             I heard:  I am weak, but thou art mighty; hold me with thy powerful hand.

                                         And I sung:  I am weak, but thou art mighty; hold me with thy powerful hand.         

                             I heard:  Bread of heaven, bread of heaven; feed me till I want no more.

                                         And I sung:   Bread of heaven, bread of heaven; feed me till I want no more.

Guide Me Oh Thou Great Jehovah:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTu6oVyphc8&feature=related

 Then…

I heard:  Tis the old ship of Zion, tis the ol’ ship of Zion; Tis the old ship of Zion, git on board, git on board.
                    And I sung:  Tis the old ship of Zion, tis the ol’ ship of Zion; Tis the old ship of Zion, git on board, git on board            

I heard:  King Jesus is the captain; King Jesus is the captain; King Jesus is the captain; git on board, git on board

                    And I sung:  King Jesus is the captain; King Jesus is the captain; King Jesus is the captain; git on board, git on board 

I heard:  Aint no danger in the water; aint no danger in the water; aint no danger in the water; git on board, git on board
                    And I sung:   Aint no danger in the water; aint no danger in the water; aint no danger in the water; git on board, git on board

Tis the Old Ship of Zion:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHU6LF2NanA&feature=related

But the Spirit wasn’t done…

I heard:  Father, I stretch my hands to Thee; No other help I know

                    And I sung:  Father, I stretch my hands to Thee; No other help I know 

I heard:  If Thou withdraw Thyself from me; Ah! Whither shall I go

                    And I sung:  If Thou withdraw Thyself from me; Ah! Whither shall I go 

Father I Stretch My Hand to Thee/Precious Lord/God Will Take Care of You:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSG4VrxGsaA&feature=related

Which rolled right into Precious Lord, Take My Hand and God Will Take Care Of You

By this time, my Spirit was full and I was having a very difficult time keeping my feet on the floor; I just wanted to run in place a little bit and I found that my arms felt better raised high with my hands open – ready to receive. 

I wonder if you can forgive the arrogance of my youth and allow me to give this testimony:

“No, I don’t know how these folks will endure what must feel too heavy to withstand, but I do know that God is so Able; I know God will neither leave or forsake us and even when we don’t know what to say, the Spirit does - no matter how sweet or how bitter life may be at this time.”

Eph 3:20