"Daddy"

In June of 2008, I wrote an article for the newspaper in the community where I work.  The original title was “Daddy” however, it was published under a different title but I thought I would share it with you today. 

Some things have changed since the time of that writing, such as my Grandfather moved over to glory, I have a new grandson, the children are all older (smile) and I’ve gotten to know more about the father my son of choice is; watched my son of birth blossom into teacher/protector of his little cousins and his nieces and nephew. 

So, in loving, chuckling memory of my grandfather; I dedicate this to my father, my dust, my son of choice, my son of birth, my son in-law and to those of you who stand in the gap to usher the next generation safely cross life’s challenges.

DADDY

6/20/08

I recently had the very rare fortune to be in the company of the three most significant men in my life; my grandfather, my father and my stepfather. It had been a very big weekend of family events as my son graduated from high school and we were attending the third birthday party of my grandbaby.

Although my grandfather now suffers with Alzheimer’s disease, I tell you the truth, he’s still a character larger than life. He so loved watching boxing, fishing, brain teasers and singing in the church choir. My grandfather doesn’t have much formal education but he has a unique way of navigating life and never hesitates to share his knowledge. I’ve actually never met anyone who knows more about relationships between men and women. As his disease has progressed, I’ve noticed my mom calls him “Dad” more now than “Daddy;” she misses her daddy.

My father is tall, slim, suave and debonair – he’s a cool ol’dude. He is also a very intelligent, thoughtful, generous and quick-witted man. He served in the Air Force to include a stint in a combat zone. Although we’ve spent many years living geographically far apart, I’ve always appreciated my father’s determination and dedication to building an emotionally close relationship with me. He’s a great listener. He helps me sort out complicated situations and shares his personal life struggles with me. When I’m having a bad day or feel heartbroken he always helps me see how silly the other people involved are. Yep, when he gets done telling the story – I’m always the little princess. It sure makes me feel better.

My stepfather, also affectionately known as “my Dust,” is one of the smartest men I know. This man can do or fix anything. He can grow plants, work difficult math problems, make engines run, and fix plumbing and electrical connections. Not only is my stepfather smart, he also genuinely cares about people. He demonstrates this by his actions especially the way he willingly takes care of and looks out for my grandfather. My Dust knows a lot about a lot of different things, and he’s my friend. If he hears I might need something, he’s on the way. When I call him, he comes. He isn’t perfect but nobody better say a word against my stepdaddy to me. 

I watch my grandbaby with her father. She is a true daddy’s girl. If she feels slighted by anyone young or old, she turns into a real diva the minute her daddy shows up, at which time she puts on quite the show. Her father then interrogates us with the now infamous question, “What did you do to my baby?” You ought to see the smirk on the girl’s face when she hears those words. She just knows her daddy will always take good care of her.

Nothing lights up the faces of my nieces more than when they hear their father’s voice on the phone or when they’re effortlessly lifted into his arms. My nephew also has a special bond with his father and eagerly reaches out for his daddy’s embrace.

As I watch Families all around the post, I take the greatest joy in observing the fathers. I like to see the proud papas bringing the little ones to WIC and fussing over them at the PX. When I visit Families in their homes, it brings me joy to see a daddy working with his baby.

As I’m watching, sometimes I wonder about the changes to come and what these now close relationships will be like when the children become pre-teens, teens and young adults. But, there is just something special about daddies. Sure, boys develop deep bonds with their fathers; however, there is nothing in the world like fathers and daughters.

I think that daddies just make the world feel safer. One of my dearest sister-friends recently lost her father after a long illness.  There are days she misses him so much that she hurts. I can always gage how deep her sadness is on any given day simply by her use of “daddy” versus “dad.” I know it’s a rough day for her when she says in a still small (almost child -like) voice “I just miss my daddy.”

What type of relationship do you want to have with your children as they grow into adults?  Do you want to be the rules and regulation guy only or do you want something deeper that can grow into a two-way relationship as your children mature into adulthood?

What type of father are you? What skills and abilities do you currently have? Are there other skills and abilities you need to cultivate within you to provide for/nurture and guide your children?  I pray that whatever you need is provided when you need it – that you may be all that your children and any other children you’re blessed to influence need - when they need it.   

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!