Anyway, I recently read a book called Sifted by Rick Lawrence. You know how you can sometimes read a book
just at the right time in your life?
Well, I found that this book offered me many deep thinking points (made
all the sweeter because I got the book for free on my Kindle F-i-r-e; the
F-i-r-e is another story but trust me when I say haters abound).
Shortly after I
began this book, I noted in a very clear way that a lot of the folks in my
realm are really going through some things!
As I moved into the meat of the book – my mother took ill.
I had tried to not
feel anxious but a week prior to my birthday she told me she wouldn’t be able
to celebrate with me. WTHIRGO? My mother continued to struggle with her
affliction and on my birthday we took her to the ER; she was admitted. Early the next morning she was moved to
ICU.
My Dust and I stood
vigil with my cousin, daughter, son-in-law, son, brother, family and friends standing
in the gap with us. The days and nights
were long. The battle raged! My mother vacillated between the unconscious
and conscious.
I sat with my mother
while she called out to the Lord to just take her. And I had to break that news to my Dust. We both knew that things were serious if she
was calling to the Lord.
At one point, she
took to a deep sleep. I thought they had put her to sleep but that was not the
case. Her body was beginning to shut
down. I remember sitting in the room with
her explaining that she’d better “come on wit it” because those folks were
starting to count her out.
The next afternoon,
my mother was sitting on the edge of the bed trying to figure out “WHAT THE HECK IS REALLY GOING ON!” Preciously so, she had no memory and
continues to have no memory of those scary days.
When my mother was
released from the hospital, she came home with me, my cousin and the kids. I don’t think she wanted to come with us but
my house is the only house between us that has access to a bed and bathroom
without going up any stairs. Plus, I
have an I-Comfort bed (as does my mother but that’s another story).
There was a discussion among the little people (okay you will be able to guess in a minute anyway – it was Lacy) indicating some concern about how anyone would get any sleep with all the snoring that was bound to go on with me and my mother in the same room.
Being the fair
person that I am; I confessed the next morning that Lacy was right – there was
a lot of snoring going on (and you know Allie told it to everyone). Oh, but how I enjoyed my slumber party with
my mother. We were giggling, I was
talking too much and she kept telling me to go to sleep! Smile
I was just happy
because I could see her, touch her and help her. Things were going pretty well…. I thought but
I had noted that she was working on making her way up the stairs. She was building her endurance so she could
flee us.
On Thursday morning,
I awoke to a finger jab in my chest and one eye starring me down. I said, “What?” She said, “Stop making that noise.” Now, she was snoring too but I didn’t wake
her up to tell her to stop – the nerve!
She’d already been
talking to my Dust about getting home and through the night on Thursday, she
woke me many times to tell me to stop making that noise (as if). But I believe the last straw was my alarm “system”
that Friday morning.
See, my cell phone
starts ringing at 5:00am; then my house alarm starts at 5:30am; then I get a
phone call from my girlfriend at 6:00am.
She talks to me until I make coherent sense. Oh and I forgot to mention this watch that I
have across the room that also rings at some point in the morning. I can’t find the instructions so I can’t turn
it off. But, I don’t hear it every day –
so I figure it’s all good. So between my
snoring and all the ringing – I do believe my life was at risk. Smile
She didn’t get away
from us that Friday but she woke everybody up early on Saturday and told us to
take her home. Stewie and I drove the
queen home with him kicking the back of her seat all the way – another something
she just loves – NOT.
Her recovery was
going very slowly and she found herself in the ICU again one month to the day
later. When she came through that
medical crisis, she seemed to have some of her old fire (not to be confused
with the Kindle f-i-r-e) back.
As I’ve shared
before, I’m in introvert. In fact, my
blog is probably as detailed as I get about how I feel or what I think. It’s not that I don’t have these feelings and
reactions about lots of things but I have an internal process that I go through
often before I ever speak. It isn’t the
way others handle things but we all have to learn to carry our loads the best
way we can and right/wrong or indifferent – this is how I manage.
Some of what I learned
-
It really does
take a lot of folks to care for the ill so don’t fuss over the bill
- All doctors are not stuck up and narcissistic; I met several that sat down with me and explained what was what and even stopped to see my mother when they weren’t working (probably the Farrin influence)
- Farrin is a good little nurse; at one point she showed up to get her grandmother’s blood; I was like – h-e-y and she said, “whatever momma, I’m qualified;” and she did a very good job
- Farrin has lots of friends on her job and they treated my mother like she was their grandmother
- I still have what it takes! I slept in chairs and even took on evil nurse “B” (really her name starts with a B but I don’t want to use her name cause she’s on my list); I didn’t like how she talked to my mother when I was there and pregnant or not – she was about to get the beat down
- As kind as my Dust can be – he put a blood drawer out the room – she failed his test
- You can fire a nurse you don’t want to work with (Farrin didn’t tell me this until I started my letter)
- Don’t make the mistake of not calling my Sunday School Teacher because she can put a very rough guilt trip on you
- My mother is a tough chick and kept her sense of humor despite not wanting to talk with the medical staff (which was making them mad because she would tell us what she wanted and wouldn’t speak to them– there were times they didn’t know she was able to talk because she wouldn’t speak to them)
- I’m still not giving up my I-Comfort bed but if you’re sick, I will share it with you
- Those little kids can be so kind and generous; I simply loved the way all the children served my mother while she was with us and they were quiet too!
- If this cup is
presented to me again, I will not hesitate to ask for it to be taken from me –
but I can let her go and not lose my total mind
This Cup
9/8/12
Lord although I don’t know if this is my journey alone – it’s obvious
that a portion of it belongs to me.
I’ve never been in this world without her. At times, she has been my ally and at others
the force I fought – but always she’s been…
This feels bitter to me and I’m not sure I have the courage to survive
this; despite the full plate before me.
I don’t doubt God’s wisdom. I
just want to finish well.
